The one that got away
by LexiLindale35
Summary: Clarke got married young. She had a child young. The abuse started. She never thought she'd find the strength to leave, but she did. She left behind the husband who caused her pain, taking her daughter to the home he forced her to stay away from. She goes home to her best friend, Bellamy Blake. He's there to help her pick up the pieces, and maybe finally confess their feelings.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know how, but I never saw this coming. I couldn't stop crying as I left that town behind me. I should've known this would happen, he had done everything he could do to isolate me from my old life. He made me choose between him and my best friend. He had made me choose between him and my family. I hadn't talked to my parents in two years. I hadn't talked to my best friend for longer. The last time I saw all of them together was when she was born. My heart pulled as I looked in the rearview mirror.

My heart was fast asleep in the backseat. She had no idea we were running. It was dark when I pulled her into my arms, she didn't see the bruises that lined my face when he heard me walking through the house. I was grateful she was so little. She didn't have to understand how horrible her father was. She didn't have to face the loss I was facing now.

Bubbah, our bulldog, whined from the passenger seat beside me. I rubbed his head and smiled at him, "you'll like this place," I told him quietly as I ran my fingers through his soft girl. I was hoping he was still there. I was hoping the offer he made me, before I gave him radio silence, was still valid. I needed my best friend now more than ever.

My hands were tight on the wheel. I felt relief once I sped over the town line and I knew he was behind me. He hadn't followed when I put our daughter in the car. He just stood watching me from the doorway, like he could scare me into staying. The bruises were more than enough to scare me. But I was done being his punching bag. I was done having a life that revolved around him.

The only good thing that came from our marriage was the little girl behind me. She was the spitting image of me, big blue eyes, long blonde girls. She didn't have a trace of her father in her features and for that I was happy. She was my world, I was doing this for her. She needed the protection I never had. She couldn't lose me before her life even started. I wanted to be there for all her big moments.

I ran my hand through my hair, speeding down the dark highway. I let out a breath wondering if I should've called him. My heart was racing and every once and a while I would glance in the mirror behind me, wondering if he was out there just waiting for me to think I'm safe. Our life together hadn't always been this way. We got married young, we had our daughter young. Maybe that was too much stress on him, maybe I had changed into someone he didn't want me to be.

I had changed, into someone I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be this scared little girl who obeyed her husband because he hit her. I didn't want to only be his wife, which is what he wanted. I had no life, no friends. I wasn't even allowed to draw anymore. I wanted to give my daughter the life I didn't have growing up. I couldn't do that under his controlling thumb.

The rain started to fall when we were close to his house. I didn't even know if he had moved, my hands holding the wheel tightly. I prayed that nothing had changed, I wish I would've picked up the phone when he called. I wish I hadn't been so scared of one man to lose my best friend.

I wiped away a tear, the diamond I had been wearing for the last three years catching light off the windshield. I looked down at it and I realized this was the last thing I had to do to get rid of him. I slipped the ring off and held it in the palm of my hand. Once upon a time this ring had held so much hope for me. I thought this was my fairytale, I thought I would get the life I always wanted with him. I loved him, more than I thought was possible.

Now I wasn't sure if I had ever really loved him at all. I knew he never loved me. He loved the control he had over me because I loved him.

I closed my fist around the diamond and my heart beat quickly in my chest. I rolled down my window and I said one last final goodbye to the life I had before this all started. I lifted my closed fist out the car and let the ring fall down on the pavement as my tires sped away from the last piece of him.

Bubbah whined again. I knew he was nervous, he never liked new places. He wasn't a dog that was good with change. But I couldn't leave him behind, not when I loved him so much. Who knew what that monster would do to this poor innocent animal just to get back at me. I put my hand on his head and he calmed down. I looked at him through my tears.

"We're almost there buddy," I whispered feeling my heart break again. I could only hope we were almost there.

Once we were married he thought it was a good idea to move three hours away from the home we both grew up in. Three hours wasn't that much, but it seemed like a lifetime once I realized I wasn't allowed to talk to them anymore. Once I realized I wasn't allowed to have friends I felt like I was stuck on a deserted island. I was cut off from the world and I hated that. I had always been so independent, I had always been strong.

He had broken that spirit and I hated him even more for that.

I didn't hear her wake up, "momma why sad?"

I squeezed the wheel trying to fight off more tears that were coming. I took in a breath and looked at her in the mirror, "I'm not sad. Go back to sleep sweetheart, we're almost home. Then you can sleep in a bed."

She sighed, but I saw her close her little eyes again. I hated lying to her. I hated to keep secrets from her. But she was only two, she didn't need to hear the pains of a life she didn't have to live yet. I was doing this for her, I would keep her safe. I would die to protect her. When she was born I knew there was no one I would love as much as my child. Even my husband took a backseat to the love I have for this little girl.

I understood my mom and all the nagging she had done when I wanted to marry him. I understood her hurt and pain when I walked away and chose him over my family. Because if her love was as strong as mine is for Dylan, it probably hurt like hell when I walked away.

I grabbed the wheel tighter and sped through the familiar streets. Once I pulled to a stop in front of his house, I felt nervous. I could only hope he didn't have me for the last two years. I mean he was there for the birth of my daughter, but after that it was radio silence. I hated ignoring him, but I had no way of telling him it wasn't my choice. I took in a deep breath and looked over at Bubbah. He was asleep, his wrinkled face peaceful. I wish I could believe that someone would take care of me the way he did.

But I knew I could take care of myself. I always had. Now I had a daughter to take care of and I would do whatever I had to do to keep her safe.

I sat there looking at the house, thinking of all the things I had gone through there. My best friend might have been a guy, but we still did the normal best friend things. We had sleepovers until we were too old for them to be cool. We would sit on the phone and talk about life until two and three in the morning. He got his license before me, he would pick me up for school and we would drive around town. His little sister sometimes tagged along, but to his dismay. I didn't mind, I had loved her as much as him. I loved his family, they were the family I chose.

I hadn't been back home in three years. He wouldn't even let me bring our daughter to visit her grandparents. She didn't even know the people who raised me, she had never seen this town. I hated how sheltered he kept us. I hated that I couldn't even put my foot down because I was too afraid of his temper. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to pull myself together. I didn't want to see him for the first time crying.

There was nothing I could do for the bruises that lined my cheeks, the cut that split my lip. I knew there was dried blood on my lip too, it took almost the entire car ride for it to stop bleeding. I looked like a hot mess, but that was nothing compared to the purple marks that were on my stomach. I could barely sit in the car it hurt so bad.

I took in a deep breath and then unbuckled my seatbelt. I walked around to the back and lifted Dylan out. She was sleeping again, but when I moved her she woke up.

"Walk," she said and I sighed. She was in the phase where all she wanted to do was walk. I nodded my head, putting my finger up to my mouth so she knew to stay quiet. It was almost two in the morning, no one was awake.

I grabbed Bubbah's leash and woke him up. He jumped out of the car slowly and then I grabbed Dylan's hand. I took in a deep breath as we walked up the walk and I locked the car. I would get the bags tomorrow, if he was here. I closed my eyes, praying my best friend was on the other side of that door. I brought my closed fist up and knocked.

Dylan giggled as I groaned and then I hit the doorbell. I didn't want to ring it, because Bubbah started barking. I quieted him down, and then I heard a crash behind the big wooden door. A deep voice spit out a line of curse words and I smiled. He was here, I knew it was him behind that door. No one else would say those things in that order.

The light turned on and I stepped back. Dylan grabbed my leg as the wooden door swung open and the only thing that separated us was the screen door, "what the hell —" he stopped short when he saw I was the one standing there, "Clarke?"

I nodded, feeling the tears thick in my throat once again. I never thought I'd see him again. I had missed him, his deep voice that could tell me the world would end and it would be okay. His hair was longer, the curls almost touching his eyes. I smiled, even though it hurt, as his eyes went down to the little girl holding my leg.

"Hi," I finally answered as Bubbah whined on the other side of my feet, "I uh. I know it's late. I just, we needed somewhere to go."

It took him a second to pull himself together, "shit yeah, come in," he said quietly as he opened the screen door. Bubbah ran into the warm house, his leash leaving my hand as he walked around sniffing the room. Dylan had a death grip on my leg, so I couldn't move. I looked down at her, and away from him.

She looked at me with worried eyes, "sweetheart this is Bellamy," I pulled her arms from my leg and lifted her up into my arms, "Bellamy this is my daughter, Dylan."

He smiled, one I hadn't seen in a long time, "I was there when you were born," I stepped into the house as she kept staring at him, "look at you, you're all grown up."

Dylan smiled as she laid her head on my shoulder and I kept my back facing him. I was bracing myself for when he saw me completely. The shadows had helped hide the bruises, the evidence that this was real and had actually happened. Bellamy cleared his voice, "she looks just like you, Clarke. It's amazing."

I smiled, "yeah, everyone says she's my mini me."

This was more awkward than I thought it would be. We had known each other since we were three years old. I didn't think I could ever feel like a stranger in this house, but I did. It had been two years but to me felt like it had been a lifetime.

"Are you okay? What happened? I mean I'm happy to see you, but it's two in the morning," he ran his hand through his unruly hair and I bounced Dylan on my hip. Bubbah had made himself comfortable on the couch. She was getting heavy, so I sat her down beside Bubbah and she curled up into herself. She was still half asleep.

I let out a breath and I knew I had to turn around and face him. The lights were bright, my body was ready to stop fighting. The adrenaline that had fueled me on the drive here was wearing thin. I was exhausted, the pain throbbing throughout my bruised body.

Finally I turned to face my best friend, the only person from my past I would actually show this version of my face to. His eyes went wide and I winced. He brought his hand up to his mouth as he gasped at my beaten state. I looked away, fighting off the tears. But he didn't let me turn away, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.

I winced as he hugged me tightly, "Bellamy," my voice broke as the tears broke through the damn I had been building. I buried my face in his shoulder as he held me as tightly as he used to. I loved his hugs, he would pull you in and never let you go. He smelled like Bellamy, his shoulder curving perfectly to my chin the way it always had. This was my home, here with him. There was no one else who could help me through this.

"I'm going to kill him," his deep voice vibrated through my shoulder.

I held onto him like he was my lifeline. His eyes went towards Dylan and I shook my head, "he never touched her," I whispered as I pulled away and he ran his thumb gently down my cheek, "I made sure he never did."

Bellamy nodded his head and then pulled me into his side. It might have taken me two years to find my way back to him, but now that I was here I knew this was exactly where I belonged.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy and I had fallen asleep on the couch. I told him what happened last night, but I didn't tell him the whole story. Somewhere in the middle of our talk he stood up and scooped Dylan up in his strong arms. He carried her up to his bed and laid her down. Bubbah followed, much to his dismay. They fell back to sleep tangled up in his sheets. I knew they smelled like home.

I rubbed my eyes as I sat up, feeling Bellamy's warm hand on my waist. His eyes were open, he was watching me. He had a weird look on his face, like he was waiting for me to disappear, "so it wasn't a dream."

He shook his head, "I thought it was too," he said quietly, "it's been two years, Clarke. Two years of silence."

"He wouldn't let me have you. He made me choose," I bit my lip and tried not to cry. I was tired of crying, "at that time I thought he was the only thing I needed. After Dylan was born, I realized how much I missed you, how much I wanted you in her life. I'm so sorry," I reached up and pushed back his hair, "but he hit me the first time I mentioned seeing you again."

He did it because he wanted me to associated pain with Bellamy. He had always been jealous of how close we were. He never liked that my best friend was a guy, that's why he had made me choose. After she was born, I missed him more and more. I wanted him to be in my daughter's life. I wanted him to see this little life I had created, but he didn't see it that way. He didn't want Bell around our child, because he was afraid I would leave him. He thought the bruises would convince me to stay.

He was wrong.

Bellamy winced and he was about to say something, when there was a cry from upstairs. I jumped up, mom mode on and ran towards my daughter. She was sitting up in bed, big tears in her eyes, "momma," her voice was quiet as she reached for me. I picked her up and she stopped crying. She was nervous to wake up in a room she didn't remember falling asleep in. I heard her tightly, kissing her cheek as I bounced her up and down.

"It's okay," I said feeling Bellamy watching me. He leaned against the doorframe as Bubbah started barking at him. He was protective over the two of us, "hush. You're in his bed Bubbah."

Bellamy laughed, "yeah and I'm not a big fan of dog hair, so be happy I love your owner."

I smiled, feeling the pull on my heart. I had missed my best friend. Dylan had settled down and started squirming in my arms, "down," she giggling as I kissed her cheek. I smiled and set her down on the floor. She stopped from running out of the room as she looked up at Bellamy. He was tall to me, he was a giant to her.

He laughed and knelt down to her level, "Dylan," he offered her his hand and she looked at me. I nodded my head and she bypassed his hand. She hugged him the way she hugged me. I smiled, feeling more tears in my eyes as my two favorite human beings got to know each other.

"Bellmy," she couldn't say his name and we both laughed as he stood up with her in his arms, "momma, Bellmy."

I smiled and nodded my head, "yes. Bellmy," I repeated her and he rolled his eyes. He hated when people butchered his name.

"I'll let that slide because you're cute," he said looking at me. I wasn't sure if he was telling me that or my daughter. Still it made me smile, "so what are we going to do today girls? I'm all yours. We've got two years to catch up on."

Dylan giggled as he tickled her sides and I let out a breath, "I can't leave the house. My face is a big purple mess," I winced as he looked at it again, "but you two can go have fun. Take her to my parents. They haven't seen her this big yet."

His eyes went wide, "he would't let you see Jake and Abby?" I shook my head, "I wish I had known he was such a bastard. I'd kidnapped you when your mom asked."

I narrowed my eyes, "what does that mean?"

"Nothing," he said leaving the room carrying my daughter with him. I sighed, choosing to ignore whatever that comment meant for the moment. I took in a breath and looked at Bubbah. He yawned and laid his head back down on the pillow. I laughed, sitting down beside him.

"What have we gotten ourselves into, Bub?"

He wagged his tail and I leaned down to kiss him. I wanted to see my parents. But I wouldn't let them see me this way. The bruises were just beginning to blossom, I couldn't let them know this was the reason why I hadn't come home to see them every single time they called. The only reason he let me answer them is because he knew they'd come to the house if I didn't.

I wiped away my tear and stood up. I followed them into the kitchen where they were making breakfast. Dylan smiled as she showed me her apron, "momma look."

I laughed, "beautiful," I said kissing the top of her head. I looked at Bellamy, his eyes went soft whenever he looked at us together, "hey if I get a shower will you keep an eye on her? She might be shy now, but once she's not she's a terror."

He laughed, "go get a shower, do whatever you need to do. I've got to get to know my favorite little girl."

The way he said it made my heart stop. I loved him, he was my best friend. I was more than happy he loved my daughter, but there was a different tone in his voice. It sounded like a man who wanted to be in my life as more than just a friend. I never thought of him that way before. We had always been close, though. Then again it had been two years and I had been through hell and back. Maybe someone like Bellamy was what I needed.

I shook my head, I was sleep deprived and thinking into things too much. Bellamy was my best friend, of course he would want to get to know my daughter. He didn't love me that way, he had always been like a big brother to me. Except I never saw him that way. I never told him, but before I met my husband, I had secretly wished we would change from friends into something more.

I walked up the stairs and turned on the shower, wondering if all the confusion would go away once I found my life back here at home. I had to find a place to live, and a school for Dylan. She was only two, but if I had to get a job I had to find somewhere to watch her while I was busy. I had to get a restraining order and file for divorce. I had to seek sole custody of my child. I had to protect her.

I wasn't ready to face any of that yet. I just wanted to stay here in this little piece of safety I had found with Bellamy. I bit my lip as I realized how good he looked. There were more freckles lining his nose, his body fuller than when we were kids. He had muscles on muscles, and I knew if he wanted to he could kill that bastard. I smiled as I stepped into the warm water and let it loosen my muscles.

I closed my eyes, wondering what it would've been like if I had told him the truth. I had had a slight crush on him growing up. Maybe he would be in the kitchen with our daughter, not mine. I shook my head, I loved that little girl. Even with the past two years being a living hell, I would do it all over again if that was the only way I could have her in my life. She was my heart and soul.

I dried myself off, wrapping my hair up in a towel. I laughed as I stepped into the bedroom Bubbah was still in and our bags were sitting there. Of course he went out to the car and brought them in. He was a gentleman like that. I rolled my neck, feeling the aches from sleeping on the couch last night.

I stood in the bedroom, the towel open staring at my body. My face was nothing compared to the bruises that lined my ribs, old and new. Some were blue and yellow, some were purple and blue. I winced as I touched the red and purple one, the one where he had hit me with the glass vase. The blood was dried, but if I didn't get it checked out I would probably get an infection. It was still angry and throbbing.

I hated this, I hated how I had to examine myself. I hated him, I hated myself for thinking I was in love with him. My life had turned upside down once I had Dylan. At first I thought it was the stress of having a newborn. But when his anger didn't mellow within the first three months, I knew it was more than that. I hated how nervous I had gotten to be around him. It was all too much for me.

I changed into a loose pair of leggings and an oversized sweater. I shivered as I let my wet hair down and ran my fingers through it. I heard the front door open as I was getting ready to join my little family in the kitchen. Bellamy would always be my family.

"Oh my gosh, look at you!" I heard her voice and I couldn't help but smile.

Even though I hadn't tried to hide the bruises, I wanted to see his sister. I walked down the hallway and down the stairs, smiling as Octavia hugged Dylan. Of course she was shy, her eyes staring at Bellamy. I liked that she trusted him easily. I did too.

"Clarke!" she squealed when she saw me, and set my little girl down. She hugged me tightly, not mentioning any of the bruises that were bright as they could be in the morning light. Bellamy watched me wince, I could tell he wanted to ask what else hurt as I stepped away from his little sister.

I smiled at her, ignoring her brother's stairs, "Octavia. I missed you."

She shook her head, "you have no idea. Look at you, you're beautiful, and this little one," she tickled Dylan's sides and I smiled, "she's your spitting image. I can't believe there's two of you now."

I nodded, "yeah, she's my baby," Dylan came to stand beside me and I wrapped my arms around her, "remember Octavia? She's Bellmy's sister."

Octavia laughed, "Bellmy? Adorable," she fluffed her brother's hair and he groaned.

"Now you're all going to annoy me with that aren't you?"

Octavia laughed at her brother again and then I saw her staring at my cheek. She bit her cheek and I sighed, "I left him," I answered her unaired question, "I was leaving last night and he figured it out. He tried to stop me. He told me I wouldn't take his daughter from him."

Octavia picked up my hand and squeezed it tightly, "honey I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," tears brimmed my eyes as I looked away from both of them, "I'm okay, really. I showed up here at two in the morning and your brother thought I was insane. I just needed somewhere to stay. Somewhere I felt safe."

Bellamy stepped around his sister and wrapped his arms around me once more, "you're safe here, I promise. You and Dylan are my family."

I wiped away a tear and felt my heart break, "I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner."

Dylan stood there watching us and I realized I didn't want her to hear this, not right now. I looked at them and Octavia smiled, "you can tell us later. It's not like the story will change. Let's have some breakfast."

My eyes went wide as I caught the diamond on her finger. I grabbed her left hand, "holy crap, Octavia. Ignore my tragic story, what in the world is this?"

She blushed as Bellamy rolled his eyes, "Lincoln proposed about two months ago."

Her smile was the biggest I had ever seen and I was happy for her. She loved that boy more than anyone ever thought possible, "that's amazing. It's about time you two have been together for years now. You two will make it, I know you will," I said hugging her. When I pulled back I could see she was still sad.

"I wanted to tell you, but," she stopped, her eyes going towards Bell. She sighed, "when I called he told me you were busy. Every single time you were busy. I told him I would drive up there and he told me you would be busy. I stopped trying to call after that. I had a weird feeling he wouldn't be happy if I showed up unannounced."

"He never told me," I whispered closing my eyes. I shook my head, "God. I missed so much because of that asshole."

I clenched my hands in a fist and then sighed. Octavia just hugged me again, "I was going to go up there and give that asshole a piece of my mind. Bellamy stopped me, he was worried."

She stopped and I knew what that meant, "he was afraid this would be the result of you coming to our house," I sighed and she nodded. I looked at Dylan, she was sitting at the table with some crayons, "it started when Dylan was six months old. I said the wrong thing and he snapped at me."

Bellamy put a stack of pancakes in front of Dylan and she smiled at me. I nodded, leaning against the counter and putting my arms in front of my stomach, "Clarke," Octavia's voice broke.

I closed my eyes, "the first time he swore it was an accident. He told me it wouldn't happen again," I looked at Dylan, "the second time I was holding her in my arms. I should've left before she turned one. I didn't want to believe it was real, that it was happening. Bellamy I wanted to call you, every single day I wanted to call you."

He nodded, "I know. I tried calling too, he did the same thing to me. Only he told me you didn't want to speak to me."

"That's not true," I fought off the tears that were in my eyes and sighed, "that must have been when he would just get angry for no reason," I pulled at the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up slightly, "he would just start kicking me whenever he got in those moods. Most of these are old."

Bellamy's eyes went wide and he sucked in a breath. I could see the anger in his eyes once again and I knew I shouldn't have showed him, "that son of a bitch," his hands were in fists as he held himself together. We all knew if Dylan wasn't in the room he would've hit something. Bellamy had always been protective of me and his sister. It was one reason why I found myself here on his doorstep instead of at my house.

"Well you're not there with him anymore, so let's eat and talk about what you and this little beauty are going to do now that you're back home," Octavia squeezed my shoulder and I smiled, grateful for her ability to change the subject when it got too intense. We all sat down with Dylan, who was playing with her food instead of eating it.

"Momma look," she pointed at the syrup and I shook my head.

"You're a sticky mess," I tapped her nose and she giggled as she stuck some pancake in her mouth. I was grateful to be back here with my little family. I looked at Bellamy and he was smiling again, his sister watching Dylan and I together. This was home, this was where I was the happiest. I shouldn't have ever let him take me away from this place.

Someone's phone started ringing, "ah, does Lincoln miss you already?"

She laughed, "it's not me. It's probably Roma."

She batted her eyelashes at her brother and he cursed under his breath. His eyes went to me and then he stood up. I raised my eyebrows at her and she sighed, "who's Roma?"

"His current girlfriend. Which is a shock to us all because he never keeps them around this long," I felt my stomach fall, "he seems to like her. But he hasn't been happy, not since you left."

I looked at Dylan, pushing her hair back. I could feel the jealousy in my stomach, but I wasn't going to let it show. I wouldn't come back into his life only to mess it up. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, I was still so confused. I had to think about me and my daughter, not just myself. Whatever I was feeling had to be considered for longer than a few hours. I looked at his sister, who was staring at me.

"He loves you," she said quietly and I wondered if she was reading my mind, "he always has. He seemed lost without you."

I forced a smile, "I was too," I answered quietly.

Octavia smiled, "don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

I looked at her confused, but I didn't get to ask what she meant when Bellamy came back into the room. He sat down and looked between the two of us, "so did you two figure out plans for the day? I think Dylan would love to see the town."

I smiled, "sure," I looked at Octavia, "you two can take her. My face needs to calm down before I leave this house."

Bellamy sighed, "Clarke you look fine. Trust me no one will notice, just have Octavia put on some of that goop and you'll be fine."

I rolled my eyes, "I really don't want to leave just yet. I uh, I need to process things on my own. You don't get a lot of alone time with a toddler," I smiled as Dylan looked up and giggled at me. She stood up and crawled onto my lap. I tickled her sides and kissed her cheek as she leaned back against my chest, "but then again I wouldn't trade all the alone time in the world for this little face."

They were both smiling at me as I hugged my daughter. Bellamy had a weird look on his face, like he was imagining something I wasn't in on. I took in a breath and smiled at his sister. I could remember so many nights with both of them, laughing until my stomach hurt. I don't know when I decided one guy was worth more than all those nights we spent together. I would never be that stupid again, I would never choose someone else over this little family I had here.


	3. Chapter 3

It took over an hour but I finally convinced the two of them to take Dylan to the park. She was helpful, getting really excited when I mentioned the swings. Dylan loved being outside and running around. She had a lot of energy now that she was wide awake. She would start terrorizing the clean house soon if we didn't take her somewhere. Bellamy asked me to come along, but I wanted to be alone for a few minutes. It was true, it wasn't easy to get alone time with a toddler.

Octavia told him it would be fun, and Dylan crawled on his lap. He was sold the minute she kissed his cheek and asked if Bellmy would take her to the swings. I could see him melt as she sat on his lap and pouted. She was the perfect little actress.

They were adorable together, exactly what I always thought my life would be like. I just wish he would've been there for the first two years of her life. I knew I could wish it all I wanted, but I could never change the past. All I could do was make sure he was in her future.

Once they were gone I fell apart. The tears I tried to control started to fall again. It hurt to realize I was cutting all ties to the life I had. I didn't miss him, I just never thought it would end this way. We were supposed to make it. Our story wasn't supposed to end this way.

I sat on the couch for a few minutes, getting the hurt out of my system. I really didn't want to cry, it made the bruises worse. Bubbah tried to kiss away the tears, he made it better. I held him tightly as I pulled myself together. It was easier to fall apart in front of him than Dylan. He didn't ask why mommy was crying, why the tears wouldn't stop.

When Dylan turned two I cried myself to sleep. She wandered into my room, asking why I was crying. I lied and told her I didn't feel well. She climbed up into the bed with me and wrapped her tiny arms around me. She kissed my wet cheeks, which only made me cry more. She didn't care why I was hurting, she just wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop for her, but sometimes that wasn't enough.

It was after that night I realized I needed to find a way to break free from him and the life I was living. I owed it to my daughter to be the mother my mom was. I needed to be strong and happy for her. I couldn't do that if I was stuck in that house.

I poured myself a glass of wine. I knew it wouldn't stop the tears, but somehow it might make me feel better. I was standing in the kitchen, looking around at how neat Bellamy kept his house. I was surprised, he had always been pretty messy. My eyes scanned the counter, that's when I saw the box. Normally I wouldn't snoop, but my name was written across the first envelope. I pulled it out slowly, there were a dozen other envelopes that followed. My eyes went wide, he had written me actual letters. They all had return to sender on the front.

That bastard wouldn't even let my friends find me. I closed my eyes, feeling another rush of anger. I would never go back. I would pick up my life and find a way to make it here. I didn't need him, not when he took away every single person I loved. He wanted total control, I wasn't willing to give that to him anymore.

I wanted to read these letters, but I couldn't make myself open them. I ran my finger down the side, catching my nail on the corner. No it wasn't right to read something I never got.

I took a sip of wine and pulled my phone out. I looked at the picture of us. It was our first family photograph, the one I convinced him to take when Dylan turned one. She was standing up giggling, I was staring at her. He was smiling, but it was forced. I needed to change that.

I scrolled through my contacts and called my house. I needed to do this without an audience and I didn't know when the three of them would be back. I took in a deep breath, taking another swig from the glass. My heart beat erratically in my chest as I waited for someone to pick up, "hello?"

Just hearing my mom's voice made me even more homesick, "hi mom," my voice broke and I heard her gasp, "I've missed you."

"Clarke," she sounded shocked, "honey how are you?"

A sob escaped my throat. The last one I hoped, "I've been better. I uh, I'm actually in town. I was hoping I could bring Dylan to see you. I have a lot of explaining to do. I know it's been a while since you've heard from me."

I could hear her tears, "I never blamed you. I know he kept you locked in that ivory tower. I told Bellamy he needed to break you out."

I smiled, "I didn't need someone to break me out. I freed myself. So what about tomorrow? Dylan really wants to see her grandparents. I really want to see you guys too."

"Tomorrow sounds lovely," my mom stopped and I knew something was wrong, "just come over. I can't wait to see my girls."

I smiled, "okay tomorrow. I'm staying at Bellamy's so if you need me that's where I'll be."

After a few more awkward questions, I told my mom I had to go. I didn't want to catch up over the phone. I wanted to talk to her and my dad in person. I wanted them to know I was okay. I promised I would be over tomorrow, I would bring Dylan. I was hoping Bellamy wanted to go along for the ride too.

I finished my second glass of wine by the time they got home. I smiled watching Bellamy carry in my little girl through the front door. She was so tiny in his strong arms, her blue eyes closed as she slept against his shoulder. It was amazing how attractive a guy became once he was holding a child. I had never thought so many dirty things about my best friend until that very moment.

"I'll put her in my bed," he told me and Octavia as Bubbah followed at his heels. Wherever Dylan went that poor dog followed. They were the best of friends.

Octavia sat down across from me, "did she behave? She can get a little rowdy once she's comfortable around you. She's got more energy than I can deal with at the moment."

She laughed, "she's adorable Clarke. She definitely got your spunk, that's for sure. She loves my brother. Every time I told her something she ran to him for protection. Watching the two of them together, it's sad to realize they aren't related. They fell in love pretty fast."

I smiled, "yeah. I'm glad they get along."

Octavia's eyes flashed towards the stairs, "he told me that he told Roma not to come over. He said he was busy. He misses you Clarke. He's always been -," she stopped when he came bounding down the stairs.

"She's out. That child has got a lot of energy, Clarke," it must have been warm out because he was sweating, "so how was mommy's alone time?"

I blushed as he eyed the wine glass on the table in front of me, "I called my mom. I told her I would be over tomorrow. Will you come with me Bell? I don't think I'm ready to hear I told you so on my own just yet."

He nodded slowly, Octavia raising her eyebrows at both of us, "yeah, sure," he leaned forward, "so now that the little ears are out of the room, how are you really? Because every time you show me a bruise, I think of another way to murder that asshole."

I couldn't help but laugh, "I'm okay. Last night was hard, I cried all the way here. But I have to have a brave face for Dylan. That's why I came to you. I knew it would be easier to be with you."

He smiled, sitting down beside me. I curled up against his side, leaning my head on his chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head and I knew I would never feel safer in my entire life. I closed my eyes as I listened to the beating of his heart beneath his chest.

"Clarke your phone's ringing," Octavia's voice woke me up. I must have dozed off for a few minutes. I sighed and grabbed the device from the table, not bothering to look at the screen.

"Hello?" I cleared my throat.

The line was silent for a second, "do you really think you can take my daughter away from me and live happily ever after with that bum? I won't let you have her. She's my daughter too."

My heart froze as I sat up, "leave me alone, John. I told you last night you wouldn't see her again. Not after all the bruises you gave me."

Bellamy's eyes were wide and he gestured for me to give him the phone. I sighed, "you think they'll believe that? It's your word against my, babe. Trust me they'll believe me. I'm the respectable cop. You're the one who ran away to be with her lover."

I knew he was right. That's why I ran. Going to the police would do nothing because he was respected. He was in line for a promotion, no one would ever believe me. I closed my eyes, feeling defeated once again.

Bellamy took the phone from me, "leave her alone. I won't let you touch her again," he stopped and I heard John saying something loudly on the other end, "no I'm not her father. But I don't beat her mother beyond recognition either. If you lay a hand on her ever again, I will end you myself."

Tears filled my eyes as he cut John off. I squeezed his arm and he held me tighter, "he's never going to stop. Not until he has my daughter and I'm dead."

"I won't let that happen princess," he whispered, kissing my cheek. I looked at my best friend, the one person I could always count on. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't believe him. Because this was bigger than all the other problems we had been through together. This was bigger than anything we had dealt with. For the first time in my life Bellamy couldn't chase away the fears.

I wiped away a tear, just as Dylan started to cry. I pulled myself together and walked up the stairs. I heard Octavia whisper something to her brother. It sounded like she wanted him to tell me something. I didn't have the energy to eavesdrop, not when my daughter needed me.

"Momma," she was petting Bubbah's back, "bad dreams."

I crawled into the bed beside her and held her against my chest. There were nights when I fell asleep beside her, safe in her room away from the temper that was her father. I squeezed her hands and kissed her head.

"Remember what I told you? You have to go back to sleep and face the dragon. Then you won't have the bad dreams again."

She nodded her head slowly, and I could feel her falling back asleep. I smiled, my baby could fall asleep anywhere. I ran my fingers through her curls as Bubbah laid his head on my arm. Her breathing evened out and I felt safer with her in my arms.

"Is everything okay?" Bellamy stood at the door. I nodded my head and he walked into his room, "is she asleep?"

I nodded, "bad dream. Where's your sister?"

He sighed, "she left to meet Lincoln for dinner. She invited us, but I didn't think you'd want to see him and the gang again until your bruises heal."

I nodded, "I miss them. Raven, Finn, Monty. Is Jasper still an overgrown child?"

He laughed, "of course. He found a girl though. You'll like her she's smart and funny. Her name's Maya. When you're feeling up to it we should have them here for dinner."

"I'd like that," I missed my friends. Raven and Finn were practically married before I met John. I could only imagine how that went after I was gone. They should've had a little one by now. Jasper was always chasing Octavia, who was head over heels in love with Lincoln it was a lost cause. Miller and Monty were always the lost ones, perfectly okay without a person beside them.

I had been like that once. Strong and independent. Now I felt broken and scared. I didn't want to feel that way anymore.

Bellamy crawled into the other side, Bubbah in between us, "Clarke I have to tell you something."

I looked at him, he looked different from the boy I remembered. He was fighting himself, I could see the battle behind his eyes. I didn't let him tell me whatever it was, "why did you write me those letters?"

I wasn't ready to hear whatever it was he had to tell me. Even if it would tell me he was feeling the same way, I just wasn't ready for that, "because I missed you. Because I thought he might not see them in the mail. I wanted to know it wasn't you, that it was him. I thought maybe I could get through."

I squeezed my eyes closed, chasing off more tears, "I thought about that, writing you. But I knew it would backfire. I knew somehow I would get into trouble with him if he found out. That doesn't mean I didn't care."

He smiled, "I know. I love you Clarke. You're my best friend."

We had always told each other we loved them, but I felt my heart sink a little when he added the best friend part. I wanted him to just love me. I looked down at Dylan and watched him pet Bubbah.

"Someone's finding a soft spot for the Bubs," Bellamy laughed as I nodded at him and my fur baby.

He sighed, "he's so ugly he's cute."

I smiled and shook my head. This was what I always imagined having. My little family curled up in bed talking, laughing. There was no fighting, there were no fears or tears. It was happy and loving. I didn't worry about cracking an eggshell that would set off his anger. This was the life I wanted, right here with my best friend.

"I think the bed might get a little crowded tonight," I knew I couldn't sleep on the couch again. And I wouldn't let Dylan out of my sight. Neither would Bubbah.

Bellamy laughed, "there's plenty of room."

I smiled back at him, knowing he meant more than just his bed. He was giving me an invitation to stay in his home. I was grateful I didn't have to ask. Because I knew we were both safe here, for the time being. I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling at ease with my situation. For now I had my daughter and I had Bellamy. That's all I needed to make it through the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Somehow I managed to hide most of the bruises. The angry one around my eye was still visible, but my face looked better than it had the night I got here. I finished putting on the makeup I never used. It was moments like this when I realized why I even bought it in the first place. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and then ran my fingers through my dry hair. Dylan picked up a lipstick and opened it.

"Momma I pretty," I laughed as she put it on her lips and I shook my head.

"Very pretty," I said pulling her onto my lap. I had dressed her up to see my parents. She was wearing one of the nicer dresses I packed away a few weeks ago. It was blue with little white flowers lining the bottom. Her hair was a mess, I had to figure out something to do with it. I sighed, running a brush over the curls lightly.

Dylan looked into the mirror, "daddy?"

I shook my head, "we're going to see grandma," I smiled as Dylan's eyes went wide. I took in a deep breath, wondering if she would grow up to hate me. I had taken her father away from her, but he had hurt me way more than I thought was possible. One day she would have to understand how I had to get away. I had to protect her too.

I gathered her blonde hair up in my hands, wondering how in the world she had gotten so much so fast. She giggled as I scratched her neck lightly and then put it up in a little pony tail. I smoothed down the front, and clipped one of the butterfly clips in front of the band. Her blue eyes were bright in the mirror, "pretty."

"Beautiful," Bellamy's voice made me jump as I turned to see him leaning against the bedroom door. He had on an army green shirt that hugged his arms tightly, paired with dark jeans. I was surprised to see him dressed and ready to go. I had been hogging his room for the past hour now, "both of you."

I winced, "the bruises aren't that bad? I really don't want to explain them all to my mom."

He smiled, walking into the room. Dylan jumped up and hugged him, "you look perfect."

I flashed him a small smile and ran my hands down my dress. I hadn't wore a dress in a long time. I had no reason to get dressed up, between John and his constant nagging for me to clean the house and having a baby messing it back up. It was amazing that I had gotten back down to my pre baby size.

"I'm nervous," I let out a little laugh as Bellamy picked Dylan up and kissed her cheek. I would never get tired of seeing him do that, "I shouldn't be nervous to see my parents."

Bellamy watched as I checked my hair once more, running my fingers lightly over my face, "were you this nervous to see me?"

I shook my head, meeting his eyes in the mirror, "no. I knew you wouldn't ask questions. I knew you wouldn't judge me. I knew you would just wrap your arms around me and promise to keep me safe," I turned to look at him, feeling a small smile as Dylan laid her head on his shoulder, "I wasn't wrong."

He stepped in closer and wrapped his free arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest. Dylan was playing with his shirt and I smiled up at her. Bellamy kissed the top of my head, as I picked up her little hand and squeezed it gently. I felt my heart fill up the same way it had the first time I held her. There wasn't enough words in the world to describe the way I felt about these two people.

"We should probably get going," Bellamy cleared his throat and I nodded, stepping away from the two of them.

"Two minutes, I'll meet you downstairs," I held up my fingers and watched as he rolled his eyes. I had always been a little late to things. He had gotten used to that early on in our friendship. I did one more sweep over my face, sprayed myself with perfume and then pushed my feet into a pair of shoes.

I grabbed my purse and looked at my phone. I stopped short of the bedroom door. Someone had changed the background. There wasn't the family picture I started to hate. Instead in it's place was a picture of Bellamy holding Dylan, her head laying against his shoulder just like moments before. I was off to the side, watching them with a smile. Octavia must have snapped it when I wasn't looking last night. She had found her way back here after her date with Lincoln and the rest of our friends.

Apparently they were all begging her to see me. I wanted to see them all again, but I had to be ready. They hadn't met Dylan, I wasn't sure if I wanted to overwhelm her with all their personalities yet. Although she could hold her own, I knew she would be able to make them all laugh easily.

They would love her, everyone always did.

I would cross that bridge once I got through today, seeing my parents again. I knew my mom would bring up med school. She would mention how I threw it all away for a guy who hit me. I would just nod and try to ignore the judgmental tone she used. I missed her, but I didn't miss her resentment about school. She never understood why I didn't want to use my talents, as she called them.

Dylan would be leverage. I could get her to lay off of me by using my daughter. She was a sucker for that little face.

Bellamy and Dylan were waiting for me by the door as I threw my phone into my bag and followed them out to his car. He opened the door for me, making me smile. He put Dylan in her carseat and strapped it, as I turned the radio to the old country station. I took in a breath and felt him grab my hand as he sat behind the wheel.

"You can do this," he said nodding his head, "you aren't alone in this anymore."

I squeezed his hand and was more than grateful to have him there with me. I felt even worse about the last two years of silence I had left him with. We drove to the house listening to music, laughing at Dylan who tried to sing along. She would mumble and every once in a while she would get the right word and scream it out loud.

When we pulled into the driveway of my childhood home, I felt even bigger butterflies in my stomach. I had missed this place, more than I thought I would. I had missed my mom, that was a surprise as well. She might have been a hard mother to live with, but she loved me unconditionally. She didn't wish this life on me. I ran my hand down my knees and then looked over at Bellamy.

"Ready?" his hand was still holding mine.

I nodded, "ready as I'll ever be," I whispered unbuckling myself and then climbing out of the car. I opened the back door and unbuckled Dylan. She jumped out of the car and I took her little hand in mine. She smiled as we walked up the long driveway towards the front door. It had been a long time since I had been back here. All the memories of growing up came rushing back. Running through the front yard with Bellamy, laughing as we snuck out to go to the parties my mom hated.

There were so many moments we had together. Every single story I could tell featured Bellamy in the supporting role.

I glanced over at him and he gave me a smile, lacing his fingers through mine. I cleared my throat and then pressed in the doorbell. We listened as it chimed, waiting for someone to come greet us.

The heavy door swung open and my mom gasped, "oh my god," she smiled at me, her arms wrapping around me tightly, "Clarke, look at you."

"Hi mom," I smiled as she squeezed me tighter. Dylan was holding onto my hand, she was nervous as my mom pulled away. She looked down at her granddaughter, "this is Dylan. Dylan this is your grandmother. This is my mom."

She grabbed my arm and pulled herself behind my legs. My mom knelt down, "Dylan Eliza James, you come give your grandmother a hug."

Her little blue eyes looked up at me and I nodded my head. I smiled as she looked over at Bellamy, who gave her another nod of encouragement, "she's a little shy right now," I looked at my mom as she slowly came out of her shell, "we had a long trip here."

Finally she hugged my mom and that seemed to make her happy. She lifted Dylan off the ground and looked at me, "so you finally left did you? What did it take him beating sense back into you?"

I sighed, Bellamy squeezed my hand, "something like that," I whispered as we followed her into the house. Bellamy stayed beside me as we walked into the foyer and my mom took Dylan to the living room. She was talking to her about something, but I didn't bother listening. I knew this would be hard, but I didn't realize she would be so cruel.

"Tell me did he get bored with you and hurt that little girl?" my mom's question surprised me. She put Dylan down on the couch and I sat across from them. Bellamy stayed right beside me on the love seat.

"No," I felt like everyone was blaming me for what happened, "no he never touched her. I wouldn't let him. As much of a monster as he is, I do believe he loves his daughter."

She clicked her tongue against the top of her mouth, "yeah well you were under the impression that he loved you too at one point. Look where that got you. Covering bruises with makeup so you can come see me."

I looked away, watching as Dylan picked up a pillow and giggle. My mom turned her attention towards the little girl and I felt Bellamy pull my hand. I took in a deep breath, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. She had been so nice on the phone, I didn't realize she would turn this all around on me the moment I stepped back into the house.

"Where's dad?" I asked needing his warm hug more than ever. He had always been the balance between my parents. I had been closer to him than my mom for most of my adult life. He might not have understood my love for John, but he had supported my choices. Unlike my mother, who only wanted me to follow in her footsteps.

My mom stopped playing with Dylan and her face fell. Her eyes went towards Bellamy and I watched him shake his head. She let out a slow breath, pulling Dylan onto her lap. She smiled at her grandmother, who was avoiding my gaze.

"Mom?" I felt the room lose air, the tension was thick. Bellamy let go of my hand and ran it through his hair. He was nervous, I wasn't in on whatever the secret was.

Finally she cleared her throat and looked at me, "your father was in an accident last year. He was going up to see you," she kept her voice even, there was no hint of emotion behind any of her words, "he lost control of his car. They said he died on impact."

I didn't understand what she was saying, "dad's gone?"

She nodded, "we tried to call you, but John wouldn't let me speak to you. I told him about the funeral, he promised to bring you. To bring both of you. But I guess he never told you," I shook my head, my entire world falling apart once more, "your dad wanted to see Dylan. He was tired of going around John to get to you. He said he was going to bring you home himself. He just wanted you and his granddaughter here with us. He wanted his girls to be safe and happy."

I looked at Bellamy, he had leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He looked down at his hands. He was avoiding my gaze. I let out a breath, feeling even more pain hit my heart. I looked at the family portrait hanging above the fire place. I was Dylan's age in that picture. My dad had wanted to save me before I realized I needed to save myself.

My mom told Bellamy to kidnap me, it must've been before my dad's death. That's what he was going to tell me last night. I felt the tears gather in my throat. They were thick and hot, they were ready to fall. I looked up at Dylan, she was happy in her own little toddler world. She would never meet her grandfather. She would never understand his love for this world, for her. She would never feel his hug, or hear his laughter. She would never understand where I learned to believe in all the magic this world had to offer, even when it was so hard to find.

He would never get to see her grow up. He would never get to teach her all the things he taught me. I had taken her away from her own father, thinking mine could replace what he wouldn't be able to give her. Except he was already gone. I shook my head, trying to keep the sobs inside. I wouldn't fall apart, not in front of everyone. My hands were shaking as I folded them together.

My mom sat there with Dylan and my heart broke. It was already broken, it shattered into more little pieces inside my chest. I took in a breath, the room was getting smaller by the second. I couldn't grasp the face that my dad was gone. There were more tears in my throat and I was choking. I couldn't sit there and pretend this didn't hurt, because it did. My mom had time to grieve, I understood why she was at ease with Dylan. But I had to get some air, I had to get out of this house. It was filled with memories and ghosts I wasn't ready to face yet.

"I need some air," I coughed as my mom looked up, "can you watch her for me?"

Mom nodded, "yeah. We're good here."

There were tears in my eyes now as I stood up and walked out the back door. I tried as hard as I could not to look at the pictures as I passed. I had missed everything, the last time he saw me I was giving birth. I had barely enough energy to see all the people who came to see Dylan for the first time, I can't even remember what I told him. I didn't even know if I told him I loved him.

I hated John, I hated him even more for making me miss my dad's funeral. I wasn't there at the hospital to say goodbye. I wasn't there to hear the town talk about him and how great he was. I wasn't there to give my own speech about what a wonderful father and role model he was. All because John was too selfish to let me go. I shook my head, I should've left long before now. I should've come home, maybe my dad wouldn't have been killed in that car accident.

"Clarke," I heard Bellamy's voice, but I kept walking. I didn't stop in the backyard, I went towards the trees. I went towards the one place where I could think straight without feeling all this pain.

Before I reached the parted trees that lead towards the meadow I ran to whenever I fought with my parents, I turned to look at Bellamy, "you knew," my voice caught as he stopped in front of me, "you knew about my dad and you didn't tell me."

I was hurting, I was angry. I had to take it out on someone else. He sighed, scratching his head. A nervous habit he had had since we were younger, "yeah I knew. But I didn't know how to tell you. You showed up at my door with a bruise and beaten body and I didn't think it would be fair to invite you in and then drop that kind of bombshell on you. You're already dealing with so much, Clarke. I didn't want to add to your pain."

I squeezed my hands together and I felt the walls starting to fall. Without Dylan it was harder to hold myself together. I looked at my best friend, the one person I could always count on. I looked at him and I couldn't see past the anger. I wanted to scream, I wanted to erase the last two years after Dylan was born and take her with me. I should've run long before now.

"I hate him," I said loudly, feeling the anger getting worse, "he took away everything. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my dad. He's gone and I wasn't there," my voice broke as Bellamy wrapped his arms around me tightly. I pushed him, I didn't want him to comfort me anymore. But he held onto me tightly and I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

"Clarke he loved you," his voice was soft, "he knew you loved him. Even if you weren't there, he knew why. We all knew why you weren't answering us, why you never came to visit. It was the reason why we were all trying so hard to get through to you. We wanted you to be the one to leave. We didn't want you to think we were forcing you to give up the life you thought you wanted."

I wiped away a tear, holding onto his shirt, "it would've been so different if I would've been honest with myself," my heart hurt as I looked at his green shirt, stained with my tears, "if I would've just realized how I felt before this moment."

Bellamy looked confused and I closed my eyes. I couldn't tell him, because I wasn't ready for him to deny me of what I wanted. After last night, falling asleep in his arms, I knew why I came back to him. I knew why I wanted to fall asleep beside him, to feel safe in his arms. It wasn't just because he was my best friend, but because what I suddenly felt was stronger than that.

"Clarke," his voice was soft and then I turned away from him. I needed to deal with this on my own. I needed to find my way through another heartbreak, before I found my brave face for my daughter. I didn't know how my mother did it, but she was good at making even the biggest heartbreak look easy to get through. I wanted be that strong for Dylan, I would be that strong for her. I was taught by the best after all.

Bellamy didn't let me walk away so easily, "don't shut me out. Please just talk to me."

I pulled at my hair again, frustrated with everything that had happened recently. "I'm mad at myself," the words came out strangled, "I'm angry that I thought I loved him. I missed so much, I missed my own fathers funeral. I don't know if I can forgive myself for that."

Bellamy took a step closer and put his hand against my shoulder, "if you need forgiveness, I'll give it to you. We know you would've been here if you could. I know you didn't have a choice."

I pulled at my hair, pushing him away, "it's not that easy, Bell. How can you all be so forgiving when it was my choice to go with him? I did this to myself, you shouldn't forgive me. Hell you should be saying I told you so, you didn't like him when we started dating."

He sighed, "because we love you Clarke. We wanted you to be happy and in the beginning he made you happy. You were in love with him. We all make mistakes. It wouldn't be fair if we didn't forgive you. We're just glad you came back to us."

I shook my head, "I wish it was that easy for me. But it's not."

Bellamy sighed, "Clarke I know you. You wouldn't walk away because of that little girl. You would've taken ten times what he put you through if she asked you to stay with her dad. That's who you are," he stepped forward and pulled me into his step, "you wanted your child to have two parents."

I felt a tear fall down my cheek, hugging him as tightly as I could, "he took away everything. I didn't get to see my dad. I didn't get to say goodbye. How am I supposed to live with that Bell? It hurts more than all the bruises he gave me."

"I know," he ran his hand down the back of my head, "but somehow you'll make it through this. You'll be strong for your daughter. Because you want her to be strong too. You had one hell of a role model raising you."

I sighed, "you make me stronger. I forgot how much better you make things," I wiped away a tear and then looked at him, "thank you. I don't think I could've gotten through this without you."

He pushed back a curl, "you're my best friend. I promise you, we will get through this together."

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to push down the pain. Nothing I did would bring him back. All I could do was remember the way he loved me and give that same love to his granddaughter. I would teach her all the things my father taught me, knowing one day she would ask who he was. When I tell her the story of her grandfather, I will smile. I won't cry because he's gone, I'll remember the man that he was, the father who raised me. I'll tell her all the ways I see him in her.

I let out a shaky breath and held onto Bellamy. I knew he would do whatever he had to do to help me through all this pain. I wasn't sure how I would make it through, but I had to. I had a little girl who needed me now more than ever. She might not realize the heartache I was going through, but one day I would look back and tell her just how strong we both were.


	5. Chapter 5

Once I calmed down enough, Bellamy took me to see my dad's grave. I let my mom watch Dylan, she didn't need to see me fall apart again. He held my hand and I stood there for what felt like hours. I couldn't believe that after such a full life, all that was left to remember him was a gray stone. I kept reading his name: Jake Griffin, father, husband, friend, over and over again. There wasn't enough space to fill in the dash. He was more than just those three words. He was my hero.

I closed my eyes as the wind picked up. Bellamy cleared his throat, "the funeral was small. Your mom didn't invite everyone. She thought it would be too much."

I squeezed his hand, "I wish I could've been there."

It took a few more minutes of silence for me to pull myself together. Once I did I knew I had to go back to Dylan. She was probably ready for her nap. She was an easy baby, kept to a tight schedule. Plus I knew I could use it as an excuse to go back to Bellamy's house.

My mom didn't protest, Dylan was practically asleep on her lap when we got back to the house. Bellamy lifted her with ease and I gave my mother another hug. She squeezed me and I knew no matter how hard she was on me I could always come home. We might have our differences, but she was still my mom. She was the only parent I had left.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," I felt myself relax once we got back to the house. I felt more at home in his little space than I ever did in that big house I grew up in, "Dylan definitely took a lot of the pressure off me."

He smiled, sitting across from me at the table, "your mom missed you, even if she didn't tell you. She wanted me to come get you for the funeral. She told me I was the only one who could convince you to come home."

I nodded, "if you would've shown up when he wasn't there, you could've convinced me."

"She thought so too," he sighed and then looked out the window.

His phone vibrated, "Bell don't think you can't make plans on account of me. I don't want you sitting around here bored because I'm here. I can entertain myself, I've done it for the last two years."

He smiled, "I know. I've just missed you. I don't want to leave you here alone. It's been too long now."

I saw the message flashing between us, "well it looks like Roma wants that date you owe her," I pushed down the jealousy, "go have fun. I'll be fine I promise."

He sighed, "if you're sure."

"I'm sure. Raven keeps calling me so I guess since I actually put myself together today I'll let her come over. She'll probably bring Finn who will bring Jasper. So in essence everyone will be here," I smiled and squeezed his hand, "I won't be alone. I know you're worried about me. But I'm okay. Contrary to what happened earlier today, I'm stronger than I look."

"I know you are," he stood up and kissed my forehead, "I just don't know if I am."

I wasn't sure what that meant, but he left me sitting in the kitchen. I didn't think about it too hard, since my mind flashed to the little get together I wanted to have. I was excited to see the gang again. I had missed having my friends that weren't attached to John. I had missed having a night where I laughed and had fun without being afraid I was having too much fun. I smiled as I typed a message to Raven. I didn't hear I watched as Octavia walk into the kitchen.

"So how did it go?" She threw her keys down and I jumped slightly as I put my phone away. I let out a breath and sat up straighter as she stared at my face. I could tell she was surprised at how easily I had covered the bruises.

I shrugged, "as well as expected. Mom was all over Dylan, hard on me. Oh and thanks for telling me my dad died."

She sighed, "I told him to tell you. He said it wasn't his place, he didn't want to give you more bad news. How are you holding up?"

I looked away from her as my little mini me came tumbling down the stairs, "I'm holding on," I smiled as she looked up at Octavia.

"Up, up," she jumped towards her arms and Octavia giggled. She scooped her up, kissing her cheek, "Tavia."

Octavia's face gave it away. She was wrapped around her little finger just like everyone else, "I'm your favorite right Dylan?"

She shook her head, "Bellmy. Bellmy love momma."

I blushed as his sister laughed, "yes Bellmy loves mommy. Did you have a good nap?"

"Play," she was never one to sit still. Her nap should've lasted longer, but I knew she was trying to make sure I was still here. She was strong, but she wasn't ready for me to leave her.

Octavia looked at me, "I'm going to get a few things at the store. If you want I can watch her? I'm sure you need some time and I would love to show her off."

I bit my lip, not sure I was ready for that. Right now Dylan was the only thing keeping me together. But this was Octavia, I knew she'd protect her with her own life. I nodded, "okay. Bellamy's going out with Roma," I rolled my eyes and she snorted, "maybe we could get the gang back together? I feel ready to see them again. Raven won't stop messaging me."

Octavia squealed, "yes," she looked at Dylan, "we'll pick up stuff for dinner. You call Raven tell her seven thirty. Tell her to bring everyone. Sound like a plan?"

Dylan giggled as she bounced her on her hip. I loved that little girl's laugh, "okay. That sounds good. I'll clean up my mess and change into something less dressy."

"We'll be back in an hour," Octavia brought Dylan over to me. I kissed her, she giggled as I rubbed my nose against hers.

"Bye momma," she hugged me and I kissed her cheek again. She was my heart out here in the world. I never knew that you could live watching your heart walk around this world, but here she was. I had to do everything to protect her from the horrible things in this life.

"You be good for Octavia, Dylan," I ran my fingers through her ponytail. It had gotten messy during her nap, "love you."

She giggled again. Octavia grabbed her keys and they were gone. Normally I would've been perfectly happy with this alone time. Especially since Bellamy would be with me. But he was going on a date and I would have to deal with the silence on my own.

I changed into a pair of leggings and a long black shirt. I felt better after getting out of my dress and went back downstairs. I didn't want to be in the silence, so I walked out into his backyard. I just needed some air. I closed my eyes, feeling the world still spinning beneath my feet. It was hard to understand why when my dad was gone.

I wanted to stop thinking abut him and the fact that he was gone. But when I tried to stop thinking about the pain and the heartache that was my life, my thoughts went back to Bellamy. I was still so confused about this all, I wasn't ready to face that either. Dylan was the one thing I could think about without any strings attached. I smiled as I realized this was the family life she needed. She never had more than me in her life, now she had Bellamy and Octavia. They loved her as much as I did.

I could only imagine how the rest of them will fawn over her.

I stood there staring at the trees for a little while longer, breathing in the fresh air. I knew it would take time, but I would get through the loss of my father. I would grieve, but I would remember him for who he was. I would forgive myself somehow. I had to. I couldn't live with hating myself for the choices I made. Because that choice I made to stay had brought the brightest spot into my life. I wouldn't trade Dylan for anything in this world.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," the hairs on my arms stood up as I heard him behind me. I took in a deep breath, feeling the world stop.

I kept my arms crossed in front of me, "you can't be here."

He laughed, "I can be wherever the hell I want to be, honey. You're my wife, which means you have to obey me. I'm taking you home."

I shook my head, "no," I stepped away from him as he stepped towards me, "I won't go with you. Just leave me alone John, I'm never coming back."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "oh yeah? And who's going to want you? That best friend of yours who was afraid of me? Not your mom, you didn't even come home to see her."

My heart might be broken, but I was angry. I realized how angry I was at him as I looked at him hard, "you never told me about my dad. You never once told me he was gone. You didn't even let me go to his funeral. You're a monster, I don't know why I ever thought I was in love with you."

He laughed, "well sweetheart don't worry, I love you."

I shivered, "well get over it. Because we're done. I won't let you in my life anymore. Starting now you need to stay away from me. This isn't love, John. This is a game to you. I'm done playing it."

"I want to see Dylan," his words made my skin crawl.

I shook my head, "no you don't get to see her. You lost that right when you let my father die without his only daughter there to say goodbye."

I turned to walk away from him. But John grabbed my wrist and pulled it tightly, "where do you think you're going? I said I want to see my daughter."

"I told you she's not here," thank god Octavia had convinced me to let the two of them go shopping. I didn't want her around for this, "let go of me John. I swear to god I'll scream."

Bellamy was still upstairs getting ready for his date. Whatever ready was to see Roma, who was supposed to be his girlfriend. I hated the girl and I hadn't even met her. Of course I had my own reasons. Still I knew he would hear me if I screamed loud enough. I wouldn't let him ruin my happiness here yet again.

John laughed. It wasn't the laugh I remembered. It was evil and full of hate, "and who's going to hear you out here, huh? I see you're all big and tough now that you're here with him. You think he'll be the Prince Charming I wasn't."

I bit my lip and he pulled me into him. I tried to fight, but he was stronger. He looked at me and I wanted to puke. He put his hand against my cheek, I didn't realize he was going to kiss me until his mouth was against mine. I struggled, pushing on his chest with my free hand. But he didn't stop, so I opened my mouth and bit down on his lip.

"You bitch," his voice was loud as he pulled away, still holding my wrist. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. That was the only way he would have the courage to come here. He was stupid and violent when he was drunk.

He squeezed tighter, I knew there would be a mark tomorrow, "let go."

He smiled, "I will never let you go."

He brought his hand up, but before he could hit me someone stepped in between us. Bellamy had his back towards me, but his voice was hard, "I believe she told you to let her go."

John laughed, he had never felt threatened by my best friend. But we both knew who would win in a fight between them, "I see the knight in shining armor is here to save you."

Bellamy grabbed his raised hand and didn't think twice. His punch landed right against his jaw. John was surprised, he released my wrist as Bellamy threw another one. I took a step back, fists were flying now. John had gotten a few in on Bell. There was blood, there were grunts and moans as the hits were being thrown. I couldn't just stand there, but I didn't know what to do to stop them.

"Stop. Stop it, Bell," I watched as John stumbled and then he lost his balance. He was on the ground, looking up at Bellamy. He was scared, for the first time he knew how I felt. His eyes flashed to me and then he shook his head. We both held our breath as we waited to see what Bellamy would do.

"If you so much as look at her again, I won't stop," he spit blood onto the ground near John's foot and then turned to look at me.

I let out a small breath, "I'm okay. Really, I am."

Bellamy brought his hand to my cheek, running his thumb lightly over my skin. I saw John watching us, but I didn't care, "you're sure?"

I nodded, "yeah. I'm just glad Dylan wasn't here for this."

Bellamy nodded and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. We left John sitting there in the grass staring at us. I felt better once we were in the house, away from his gaze. I knew it was finally time to face the truth. I had to go to the police. I had to get a restraining order.

John ran off, screaming about how he would get his daughter back if he had to get rid of me himself. I wasn't afraid of his death threats, I was afraid he would actually find a way to get custody of Dylan. I couldn't let that happen, I wouldn't let him have her.

Bellamy sat down in the kitchen chair and I washed off his lip, it was busted. He had a bruise on the side of his face. He looked a lot better than the other guy though, "I love that you protect me. But please don't think I want you getting hurt for me, Bell. Don't mess up that pretty face for me."

He winced as I pressed the alcohol against his wound, "I will always fight for you, Clarke. No matter what."

I shook my head, looking down at his hands. My heart was racing and I didn't know what to say. Instead I just leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek. I heard him take in a startled breath, and I squeezed his hand beneath mine.

I loved this boy, in more ways than one. But I wasn't ready to lose my friend.

I pulled away, but Bellamy stopped me. His eyes were big as he took the same wrist in his hand. I winced as he held it lightly between his fingers. He stood up and pulled me back into him. Somehow I was pushed up against the counter now. Before I could process what was about to happen, he pressed his lips to mine.

This kiss was a million times better than the one John had forced onto me. Bellamy didn't taste like fear, he tasted like home. Home was better than anywhere else I had ever been.

I closed my eyes, the world starting to make sense as he kissed me. His mouth was warm, his lips soft against mine. His hands went to my waist, pulling me as close as I could possibly get. My own hands pressed flat against his chest. His heart was beating as fast as mine was. My mind finally shut off, I stopped thinking about everything as I stood there with him.

He kissed me softly, like he was afraid I would break if he pressed too hard. I could feel the fabric of his shirt as I balled my hands up into fists. I leaned into him, moving my lips in sync with his. This was what I had always imagined, and so much more. I couldn't get enough, I didn't want to stop.

Breathing the same air as Bellamy was all I needed to survive.

I pulled away first, his lips resisting the space I caused. Slowly I opened my eyes to look at him. He was smiling, his hands still wrapped my waist, pressing into the small of my back. My hands were still against his chest, pulling at the fabric of his shirt. His eyes were sparkling, my heart was racing. I wanted to ask him what this meant, but I didn't get the chance.

That was the moment that Octavia and Dylan decided to come home. The front door opened, we jumped apart. Dylan came running into the kitchen, jumping into my arms.

"Momma look," she showed me the purple monkey Octavia had bought her.

I smiled, still flushed from the kiss. I closed my eyes, holding her close. Bellamy stood behind us, his hand still resting on my waist. My heart was racing, I knew if I looked back at him he would be smiling, his face just as flushed as mine. Octavia looked at the two of us, smiling as her eyes went to his hand on my waist. Today might have started out terrible, but if they had all ended like this, it wouldn't be so bad. This was one moment I wanted to freeze and live in forever.


	6. Chapter 6

They all got to the house at the same time. I heard the car doors slamming and the cheers as they came up the walk. Dylan latched her to my leg as soon as Octavia opened the door. I smiled as she greeted the friends she saw earlier today. They were pretty excited to be here. I took in a breath, waiting as Raven came in first. She was followed by Finn. They were holding hands.

Which meant they were still together.

"Clarke!" Raven screamed my name and ran towards me. She hugged me tightly, laughing as she kissed my cheek, "don't ever leave me again. I've missed you."

I smiled, "I've missed you too."

Finn held back, his hand running through his hair as I looked towards him. I wasn't sure if I would consider us friends or friends by associated. I had known Raven before Finn, but he had always had a crush on me. He never acted on it because I was best friends with his girlfriend. I asked him once when we were drunk why he never kissed me. He told me Bellamy scared the shit of out him, he wasn't the type of guy who went after what didn't belong to him.

Lincoln squeezed Octavia before he found his way to me. We were friends because we both knew Bellamy's sister. Still I had a soft spot for the soft spoken kick boxing man. He was so loving to Octavia, I used to envy their life together. Now that they were engaged, I envied her more. Because he would never lay a hand on her. Something I never thought I would have to worry about.

He hugged me tightly, "if you need someone to help you dispose of the body," his words were soft as he pulled away, "I won't tell anyone. Only scumbags hit women."

I blushed, "yeah well he's the worst kind of scum there is."

Lincoln squeezed my shoulder and then followed his fiancée into the kitchen. I could smell the food cooking and my mouth watered. I was starving. Between getting attacked by John and then kissing Bellamy, I hadn't thought about food all day. Just thinking about kissing Bellamy made me want to do it all over again. Not that we had a chance to talk about it, because he ran off for his date when Octavia started making dinner.

So I was left to host a party with our friends, wondering what in the world he was thinking about. Did he want to kiss me? Or did he just think it would make me stop telling him he was an idiot for getting into a fight with my abusive husband? Was I blind to all the clues that he felt the same way I did? Or was I trying to hard to see things that weren't actually there?

So many questions and the person that had all the answers wasn't here.

Jasper came into the room next, hugging me tightly, "Clarke the lark," I laughed at his stupid nickname, "I'm so glad you're back. I'm tired of listening to Bellamy whine about how much he misses you."

I smiled moving in to his one armed hug, "Jasper, always the sentimental one," he was holding hands with a brunette who looked as scared as I knew Dylan was. She was hiding behind my legs. I smiled at her, "I'm Clarke. I'm guessing you're Maya."

She smiled, "that's me," she shook my hand and I could tell how important she was to Jasper. He didn't let go of her hand, "I've heard a lot about you. Mostly about how amazing you are."

I blushed, "my friends don't call me amazing," she nodded and I laughed again, "it's nice to meet you. Hopefully I'll get to see more of you and you can decide for yourself the extent of my awesomeness."

"That would be nice," she agreed and then Monty stepped in for his hug. I loved seeing everyone again. I couldn't believe how long it had been. Raven looked down at my legs and everyone stood in the living room waiting for me to move. Dylan's nails were biting into my skin, she was really nervous. This was the biggest group of people she had ever be around.

I put my hands on her shoulders, "you all have to be nice, okay? She's really shy," Raven clapped her hands together as I knelt down and picked her up. She struggled, she wanted to stay hidden. She wasn't always a big fan of meeting people, especially when she wasn't sure of her surroundings, "this is Dylan. Dylan these are my friends. They've been waiting a long time to meet you."

She looked at Raven and then at Finn. There were tears in her eyes and she ducked her head against my shoulder, "Clarke she's you," Raven said as I held her in my arms and made sure she knew I wasn't going anywhere, "she's literally your spitting image."

I laughed, as she held onto my shoulders, "yeah there's no mistaking who she belongs to."

Finn ran his hand down her arm and she came out of her shell a little bit, "Bellmy," she looked at me and then at the faces that were staring at her.

"Bellmy went out," I said pushing the hair out of her face, "you're stuck with me and these freaks."

They all laughed as she stuck her lip out. I understood her loss, I wanted Bellamy here too. I pressed my lips against her temple and then she decided to wiggle out of my arms. She stayed beside me, watching as everyone talked among themselves. Octavia came out of the kitchen, "all right guys now that the reunion is over, let's eat. I'm starving."

We followed her into the small dining room, and gasped at the food that lined the table. She stood there looking proud of her work. Lincoln came around and put his hands on her waist, making me flash back to hours earlier when Bellamy had done the same thing. My cheeks turned red as I thought about that kiss.

I pushed the thoughts away as Lincoln smiled at us all, "dinner is served."

—

They kept the conversation light during dinner. No one asked about John, but I didn't miss the glances they shared when someone almost slipped up. Whenever that happened Raven would turn the attention to Dylan, who would giggle at her silly voices. Everyone filled me in on their lives, Raven was still in engineering school. Finn was a cop. Jasper worked at an auto body shop and Monty was some high tech wiz kid for a big company. He got to work from home. I couldn't believe how our lives had changed since we last got together.

During the whole meal I couldn't stop wishing Bellamy was there. Dylan was fussy, she wouldn't eat anything put in front of her. She hadn't been this fussy since she had a cold a few months ago. I was worried about her, but I thought Bellamy could make her feel better. Other than her fussiness, I wanted him to be here with all our friends just like old times. It was strange to be at his house, without him here in it with us.

Once we finished dinner everyone followed Dylan into the living room. We were all full and happy to be back together again. Lincoln cleaned the dishes, even though I kept nagging for him to leave them there for me. He joined us on the couch once he was done. We all settled into our spots, I was on the seat near the stairs, everyone else was gathered on the couch that centered around the TV.

It was quiet for a few minutes and then Maya looked at me, "you don't look like a walking bruise."

I blushed as Jasper glared in her direction. I couldn't stop the laugh that came out when he scolded his girlfriend, "Maya!"

"It's okay. I covered them up. I went to see my mom today," Ravens eyes went big, "I didn't want her to keep asking me about them. Of course she did though, cause that's Abby," I pulled my hair up out of my face.

Monty sighed, "how are you doing? Bellamy told us not to ask, but we're your friends too."

I smiled at him, "I'm okay. It's easier being here than I thought it would be. When I was trying to leave I was scared. I would start to doubt my plan. When I left the other night I was terrified. Especially after John woke up and tried to stop me. But once I got here and Bellamy hugged me, I wasn't scared anymore."

Raven smiled as she leaned into Finn. Octavia had brought out a bottle of wine, "that's because they're so in love with each other. But they won't admit it."

Jasper laughed, I looked away. I could feel myself blushing again. I wasn't going to admit my feelings. Not just yet. I wanted to tell his sister about the kiss, but I wasn't going to do it in front of everyone. I buried my face in Dylan's hair. Thankful to have her blocking the blush.

"Bellmy!" She looked around again. She wiggled in my arms, but I kept her against my chest. She was warm, I noticed that as I pressed my hands against her clammy skin.

"Dylan seems pretty attached to Bellamy," Finn said watching as she pouted again.

I nodded, "yeah. She doesn't take to people easily, but she sure does love Bell. I'm glad, I would've been heart broken if she was afraid of him."

Raven smiled, taking a sip of her wine, "so what are the plans? You're back, now what happens?"

I sighed, "I have to get a restraining order. I have to get a divorce. I have to protect Dylan," I felt more helpless than I was in this situation, "John made it clear today he wouldn't give her up without a fight."

"He was here? I'm surprised Bellamy didn't kill him on the spot," Monty sounded surprised as he ran his hands down his jeans.

"He tried. They got into a fight, both of them got pretty beat up. He left, but not before he made it clear he wanted to take Dylan away from me."

I held her closer, she turned and hugged me back. I smiled as everyone watched, hearing their sighs of love. I felt her kiss my cheek and I knew there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe. Bellamy was right, I would've taken ten times the abuse he served me, if it meant my daughter was safe and out of harms way.

"Dylan how old are you?" Finn asked making her jump.

She held up two fingers, "good job," I smiled at her and then moved her hair, "but tell them your birthday is next week. So you expect lots of presents," Dylan looked at me, still holding her fingers up, "how old will you be next week?"

She looked at her hand and then at me. I took her little fist and opened it, pulling one more finger up. She smiled, showing them all her three little fingers. Octavia laughed, her eyes sparkling from the alcohol, "three? You're going to be so big!"

Dylan nodded, clapping her hands together as she fell back against my chest with a thump. I groaned, wrapping my arms back around her.

"We have to have her a party," Raven smiled and Octavia who had been quietly drinking her wine, agreed, "if that's okay with you Clarke."

"Sure," I smiled thinking about how much she would love a little party, "Octavia you and Lincoln should start on getting another little one to join her. They could be best friends."

She laughed, "not until I've walked down the aisle woman. Don't worry, I want one as soon as that happens."

Lincoln raised his eyebrows at her and then scooped Dylan up off my lap. She giggled loudly as he tickled her sides. She seemed to take to men easier than women, which was surprising to me. Of course she never saw her father hit me. Lincoln held her up high and I smiled at the two of them. I knew Octavia had found the perfect guy watching him with my daughter.

I looked at Jasper ready to have the attention off me and my horrible love life for the moment, "so how did you two meet?"

Maya smiled brightly, the woman always loved to tell the story. Jasper sat back and held her hand, watching her with the same wonder I used to look at John with. It was weird to remember how happy we had once been. Or how happy I thought we had been.

"We met at the shop he works at. My car needed fix and he made some lame joke about letting him drive me around. He was so cute I laughed anyways," she smiled at him and I missed Bellamy once again, "I let him take me out on a date, I had to teach him better jokes."

I smiled, "she's adorable Jasper."

"Yeah I got lucky," he kissed her cheek and Dylan found her way back to me. Her eyes were barely staying open as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Raven told us stories about her studies and then Octavia passed around the wine. We were all laughing and happy. Finn told us a few stories about friends of ours who had gotten arrested. He seemed to enjoy his job, which surprised me. He had always been more of a tree hugger, let's keep the peace person. I never thought he'd become a law enforcement officer.

I didn't realize it was after nine until Dylan shook herself awake on my lap. She was heavy as she fell asleep on my lap, "let me put this little one to bed. Then we can all have some fun."

I handed Octavia my glass of wine and stood up. Dylan's head was on my shoulder as they all kissed her goodnight. She wouldn't even remember this in the morning. But she was more loved than I hoped for her to be.

I tucked her into bed beside Bubbah and kissed them both. I closed the door behind me so she wouldn't wake up. I was halfway down the steps when I heard Bellamy come home. Octavia was already tipsy, I'm sure she had finished my wine too. Raven was halfway there, stealing sips of Finns drink when he wasn't looking.

"Bell!" Jasper's voice carried as he walked into the house. I stopped before I was seen at the top of the steps, watching as he searched for me in the crowd of friends. He looked anxious, like he was afraid I wouldn't be there.

Octavia rolled her eyes, "she's putting the little one to bed," her words were slurred. She grabbed his arm before he could pass by her and find me, "you really need to tell her Bell. It's not fair to her."

Raven agreed, "she deserves to know. So get rid of Roma and it'll be ten times easier."

I smiled, were they saying what I thought they were saying? My heart fluttered as he answered, "I'm working on it. She just doesn't want to hear goodbye. Ever since Clarke came back, I've been trying really hard."

"She won't wait around forever," Finn spoke up this time. I wouldn't wait for Bellamy. I would make my own damn move if I had to.

I decided to make my entrance and walked down the steps loudly, "I wish I could fall asleep that fast."

Raven smiled, "she's beautiful Clarke. I can't believe how big she is."

I nodded, "yeah I got lucky. She's an easy baby."

Everyone got quiet as I stood at the bottom of the steps and Bellamy smiled, "hey," he said with a lazy smile. My heart skipped a beat. I was already getting in way over my head.

"Cut the date short?" I asked as Octavia handed me the empty wine class, "thanks for drinking the rest of this."

She giggled, "mommy has to behave."

I raised my eyebrows at her, "when the baby sleeps mommy gets to have her fun. I'll give you a run for your money, Blake. I can still hold my alcohol."

She took that as a challenge and Bellamy didn't get a chance to answer my question. Instead he followed us into the kitchen as we each got our drinks. Bellamy stepped around me, his hand against my waist as he did. I shivered against his touch, it was affecting me now more than before. We always touched each other like this, but I never let myself feel something more for him.

Oh yes an evening of drinking more alcohol than I had in the last two years, with my best friend who I was slowly developing more feelings for was a smart idea. Throw in all the friends we shared who were trying to get us together and a little sister who knew the truth and I knew I was in for one hell of a welcome home party.


	7. Chapter 7

"To friends," I held up the glass and smiled brightly, "I missed you guys so much."

I was on my third shot of something strawberry when I felt the room start to spin. Bellamy took the shot glass, "I think that's good."

I rolled my eyes at him and then grabbed the glass of wine I had poured. I was feeling my buzz, glad to be surrounded by friends once again. I walked back into the living room, falling down into the chair I had shared with Dylan a half hour ago. My eyes glanced up the steps, I kept hoping she wouldn't wake up. I didn't want to be pulled away from this night. Right now I didn't want to play mommy. I wanted to be Clarke, the Clarke I was before John came into my life.

Raven was dancing around in the silence and smiled at me, "Clarke I've missed this. We're never too old for these kind of nights."

I laughed, "tell me that again tomorrow when I wake up with a hell of hangover. We aren't 21 anymore."

She shimmed her hips, "no but we aren't thirty either. Relax mommy, drinking is still fun for us."

I waved my hand at her and she walked towards Finn. She straddled his lap as she danced and I looked away. I took a sip of my wine, watching everyone else file into the room. After the three shots we took, we had lost the enthusiasm. Octavia walked out hand in hand with Lincoln.

I thought back to that night when we were eighteen. We all gathered in their basement and did this same thing. We snuck wine down and got so drunk Bellamy's mom woke up and yelled at us all. It was worse than that, she waited until we were hungover to yell at us. I can still remember how mortified Bellamy had been. I smiled just remembering how he complained about that moment until we actually turned 21.

My eyes swept over the room and I found him standing in the doorway to the kitchen, drinking his beer. He held the bottle between two fingers, listening to something Monty was saying. He might have been listening to Monty, but he was staring at me. I felt the heat in my cheeks. I wasn't sure if it was from the drinks or from him staring. Either way I was warm all over.

"We should play a game," I decided as the room got quiet, "it'll be fun."

Raven sat down on Finn's lap and nodded. She took a drink of his beer and burped. Everyone found a seat. Bellamy sat down on the end of the couch closet to me. I could tell he was worried about me. He had been watching me ever since we started drinking. He thought I was having a breakdown. After all so much in my life had changed in the last twenty four hours.

Little did he know, I wasn't breaking down. This was the most put together I had been since I left that house.

I took another sip and then looked at him. I narrowed my eyes and raised my eyebrows. He held my gaze, "Bellamy," my words weren't formed right, "truth or dare."

He laughed, shaking his head, "aren't we a little old for this game?"

I shrugged, "aren't we old enough to have our shit together? But look at me, getting divorced at 24 from a man who gets his kicks by hitting me," I took another drink and everyone got a little more sober, "so let's pretend we're not too old for this game tonight."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He pulled back and did this thing he always did when he was nervous. He twitched his nose up and sucked in his upper lip. I knew he didn't want to play by that motion right there, "fine. Truth."

I finished my glass, smiling over the top of it at him. Octavia was as drunk as I was. She was sitting beside her brother, staring at me. I could tell she wanted me to ask a good question. She was trying as hard as she could not to speak up herself, "why'd you kiss me before your date with Roma?"

The room got silent. No one was laughing, but everyone had big eyes as they stared at the two of us. Bellamy cleared his throat and I waited for my answer.

He sighed, "because I just did," he said quietly, running his hand through his hair. Another tell tale nervous habit of his.

Octavia's jaw was hanging open, "you kissed her? Bell you don't go out on a date with someone else after you kiss the love-" he put his hand over her mouth and stopped her words.

The room started spinning, I joined in on the laughter. Bellamy was the only sober person in the room. Well Finn didn't seem to wasted, which was good because he was driving. But he did keep watching me. He saw a few bruises on my stomach when I fell and my shirt rode up.

He had followed me into the kitchen telling me he knew a guy who would help me keep Dylan. Whoever this lawyer was, he would make sure John didn't get any kind of custody of our daughter. I was grateful for his contacts at the station, he promised he'd help me get through the legal issues. He handed me his friend's business card. I was glad to have friends who were so supportive. They didn't care what had happened, they just never wanted it to happen again.

"I think you've had enough," Bell out his hand over the top of my wine glass before I could pour more in.

I stuck my bottom lip out at him, "please? Just a little more, Bellmy?"

He sighed, "it's your hangover in the morning."

I smiled victorious as I finished off the last sips of the bottle. We played some more truth or dare, until Raven was dared to give Finn a lap dance and they both fell off the couch. Everyone held their breathe at the noise, waiting to hear Dylan wake up. She didn't though, I was glad. I wasn't sure how drunk me would handle a crying baby.

Drunk me could barely handle myself.

Two hours later, Bellamy took away my glass. I was dancing with his sister and Raven, twirling around in my socks. I hadn't had this much fun in a long time. I had missed this, I had missed this girl who found her way out of the shell John had created for her. I tripped over Octavia's foot, stumbling. The room was spinning and I couldn't regain my balance. I fell this time, laughing as I sat on my ass in the middle of the floor.

Bellamy stood above me, his hands on his hips. He looked like a disappointed parent as he took in my drunk state. Maybe I couldn't hold my alcohol like I could before I had my child. But I could still have one hell of a time. I smiled up at him, opening my eyes, "see I can be fun."

"Yes," he said sighing as he stood there watching me sway back and forth, "you're a barrel of laughs, Clarke."

Maya and Jasper were sitting on the couch pretty close together. I wanted to tell them to get a room, but then I would have to focus on one spot. That was too much for me at the moment. My eyes could only focus on Bellamy standing there in front of me. I took in a deep breath. I was coming down from the buzz, everything wasn't as funny anymore.

"Bellmy," my slurred voice used Dylan's nickname for him. I took in a breath and closed my eyes. I could hear everyone making noises at us, "I love you. Best frand."

He laughed, his strong arms picking me up bridal style, "who's idea was it to get her this drunk? They should have to stay and clean up her mess tonight."

"Bellamy you know you love us," it was Raven who called after him as he carried me up the steps. I laid my head on his chest, breathing in his scent. He was so strong, he lifted me up like I didn't weigh a thing. John never carried me, he always woke me up when I fell asleep on the couch. He wasn't half the man Bellamy was. Why did I choose him over this perfect male holding me in his arms?

I heard the bedroom door open and Bubbah barked. Bellamy quieted him down and laid me down on his mattress. I felt cold without his arms around me, "Bellmy," I called after him.

"Clarke you need to sleep. You're going to be hungover tomorrow," he stood in the doorway and I took in a breath.

I bit my lip, feeling more sober than I had a few moments before, "I wanted to kiss you too."

His smiled, knowing I wouldn't remember this in the morning. He had his hand on the door knob, Dylan snored beside me. I kept watching him, waiting for him to say something to make me sure of his feelings. But he didn't, "go to sleep. You're going to need it."

I sighed, giving it one last try, "stay with me," I just wanted him to wrap his arms back around me and never leave, "please? Let them clean up."

He knelt down beside me, I felt his fingers in my hair. His breath hit my nose, making me laugh, "I will come back to you. Let me make sure those drunks get home."

I sighed and nodded my head, "'kay. I really do love you," I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah I love you too," he whispered as he held me, "promise me you won't leave me again."

I pulled back, still feeling far away, "never again."

I fell back against the pillow and closed my eyes. I couldn't keep them open anymore. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming but I felt him press his lips against my forehead before he went back down stairs to tell them the party was over.


	8. Chapter 8

I had never been so hunger over in my life as I was the day after our dinner. I slept in late and then I woke up to a little blonde monster bouncing on my chest. I didn't puke, much to my surprise. It took me all day to bounce back. I spent most of it in bed with Dylan watching a movie she picked. Halfway through I realize that Bellamy hadn't slept in the bed. When I went downstairs I saw the blankets on the couch. He wasn't home, there was a note telling me he was out. He didn't come home until after we went to bed. He didn't sleep in his bed that night either.

That was almost a week ago now. He was avoiding me. At least that's what it felt like.

He wouldn't look at me when he talked, he only said a few words. We were both skating around each other, too afraid to ask the other what they really felt. I would catch him staring at me in the evenings, but when I met his eyes he would look away. I didn't come to him for this, that's exactly why I didn't tell him how I was feeling.

I was too afraid of losing my best friend. I could handle everything else. I couldn't handle losing Bellamy on top of everything else. I knew Dylan wouldn't be able to either. This awkward air around us was worse than losing him all together. I needed to talk to him about this, but every time I tried he found an excuse to leave.

I didn't have a lot of time to worry about what was happening between us. Because after our dinner Dylan got clingy.

Dylan was fussier than normal for the next couple days. She wouldn't let anyone but me and Bellamy hold her. She wouldn't go to sleep for me either, she wanted Bellamy. He would rock her to sleep, her little body warm. I would watch from the doorway, listening to him hum a little melody to her. She might look like me, but she sure as hell looked like she belonged to Bellamy.

That's how the last week went, Bellamy taking care of Dylan and avoiding me. We would have small conversations, few words passed between us. Bellamy would leave me notes telling me he had picked up work, or that he was out with someone. Usually it was Roma, which rubbed me the wrong way. I mean he sounded pretty sure he didn't want her anymore that night. When he was home he would talk to Dylan, he would play with her. If he had to interact with me it wasn't for long. We would eat together, I would try to start a conversation and he would nod his head.

I hated the change that had taken place between us because we kissed. But I had no idea how to reverse the affects it had.

While Bellamy was out dealing with whatever it was he was dealing with, Finn took me to see his lawyer friend. Octavia had offered to watch Dylan for me while we were there. I was grateful, I knew she wouldn't want to sit in a boring office all day long. Especially since it was almost a forty minute commute both ways.

He was pretty nice, he told me I had a case. I showed him the pictures Octavia took of my face my second night here. He put in a request for a restraining order and told me I had every right to have sole custody of my daughter. He didn't push me for more story, he didn't seem to be interested in anything else. He was nice enough and he was doing Finn a favor. He told me if we went to court he would give me a break on the cost. I was grateful for that.

Things seemed to be looking up after that meeting. John kept away, Bellamy must have scared him pretty good. Octavia and Dylan were getting along famously, she took to her as much as Bell. They would giggle and laugh, she would chase her around. I think Octavia had more baby fever than she was letting on. I was grateful for his sister, if he was going to be awkward, at least I had her to converse with.

It was exactly a week after our kiss that her body temperature spiked. Bellamy was out with Roma, Dylan was fussy because he wasn't there to rock her. She felt safe in his arms, I understood. I felt the same way. Except I was too much of a coward to ask him about our kiss. I was too afraid I would break the thin ice we were so carefully walking on ever since it happened.

I had been trying to feed her little pieces of crackers all day. She had spent last night throwing her dinner back up. She couldn't hold anything down, she wouldn't stop crying. Between the fever and the chills she wasn't comfortable. I hated seeing her this way, but I didn't know what to do. I knew after another hour of screaming I had to take her to the doctors. I took her temperature and it was higher than it should've been.

I bundled my baby up in a blanket, she was shivering even though her skin was clammy and wet from sweat. I put her in the car and took her to the emergency room. I didn't know what was wrong. The stress of the situation must have taken its toll on her too.

I didn't want to do this alone, but I didn't want to bother Bellamy. I didn't care after the doctors looked at Dylan in my arms and rushed her away from me. I didn't even get to ask them what was wrong, or tell them her symptoms. They took her through the swinging doors and left me standing there without my heart in my chest.

Tears were in my eyes as I called him. My heart was pounding as I waited for him to answer, "hello?" His deep voice didn't sound agitated.

I sighed, "Bell, I uh. I brought Dylan to the ER. She's really sick. God I'm messing up your night. I'm sorry. I just didn't want to do this alone."

"I'll be right there Clarke," he didn't even hesitate. I hung up the phone and fell down onto the waiting room chair. That was the longest conversation we had had in three days. I ran my hands over my face, exhausted.

I closed my eyes and then I heard footsteps. I looked up and he was standing there in front of me, "Bell. Thank god."

A tear fell down my cheek as he sat down beside me, "what happened?"

I shook my head, "I don't know she was sick all night. She can't hold anything down, she's burning up but she keeps shivering. They took her away from me when I got here."

He picked up my hand. I had missed his touch, "she'll be okay. She's strong, she's just sick."

"I can't lose her, Bell. Not after I've lost so much," I glanced at him, "not when I'm losing you too."

He squeezed my fingers, "you haven't lost me."

I laughed, "you sleep on the couch. You barely say two words to me when we're in the house together. You kissed me," I knew this wasn't the place but I couldn't stop the words once they came out. I was sleep deprived and emotional, "I didn't make a move on my feelings because I didn't want to lose my best friend."

His eyes were wide and I could tell he understood what I was saying. I took in a deep breath, his fingers lacing through mine, "you'll never lose me Clarke. I promise."

"As a friend," I said nodding my head and hearing him loud and clear, "just friends."

He shook his head, but he didn't answer me. A nurse called my name, "Clarke Griffin? The doctor would like to talk to you and your husband now."

I blushed as I stood up, not correcting either of them. Bellamy kept his hand in mine as we walked through the doors and into the office she directed us to.

We sat down and he smiled, "no need to worry your daughter is fine. She was very dehydrated, the flu can do that to a little body like hers. We've got her on some antibiotics and fluids. You can see her if you want."

I nodded, "yes I want to see her. When can she come home?"

I noticed Bellamy squeeze my hand at the word, "as soon as she wakes up. I just wanted to monitor her for a little longer, to make sure the medicine works."

"Thank you," I stood up and followed him out of the office and towards the room where my baby was waiting for me. The mess I had made with Bellamy could wait, right now I had to focus on my daughter.

Dylan woke up an hour later. She was fussy at first, scared of another new place she woke up in. But once she saw me she calmed down. She reached for Bellamy first, that still made me smile. Once she was settled in his arms the nurse gave her more fluids. She had more color in her face, she perked right up once she had Bellamy's attention. It was like a completely different child was in that bed.

They released her an hour after that. The car ride home was quiet. Bellamy had left his date with Roma to be with me, I felt bad about that. But I wasn't going to apologize, I was done apologizing for things that I did. He had graciously asked to drive my car back, which gave me a chance to relax. I took in a breath as we got back to the house and carried her in.

I took her up the stairs without waiting for Bellamy's help. I knew he would've carried her, but she was my daughter. I needed to take care of her. He didn't have to save both of us, I could save her on my own.

Bellamy stood in the doorway as I laid Dylan down in the bed. I could feel him watching me, his eyes on the back of my head. She was sound asleep, Bubbah making himself comfortable beside her. Her fever had died down slightly, but she was still warm. I couldn't stop worrying about her. This was all too much for her little body to handle. I turned back towards him, the darkness making his body stand out. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at me the way he was. It had been a long time since I was with anyone. I needed this, I needed him.

I walked forward, closing his bedroom door. His hands came to my hips, "Clarke."

I shook my head. Ever since he kissed me I couldn't stop thinking about doing it again. I took in a breath and filled the space between us. I ran my fingers through his hair as I pressed my lips to his. His fingers tangled themselves in my shirt, pulling me in closer to his chest. I couldn't get enough of him. He was like a fresh breath of air shot down into my lungs.

I was done talking about things. Talking was getting us nowhere, I just wanted to be with him. I wouldn't think about the consequences and what would happen in the morning. All I wanted was to feel his skin against mine.

"Bell," I whispered his name as he pressed me against the wall. His hands moved under my shirt. My heart was pounding as his lips grazed my shoulder. I shivered as his teeth moved over my skin.

I was breathing heavily as he unclasped my bra. My own hands found their way under his shirt. I arched my back as his fingers slid over the soft skin of my chest. I heard myself moan, my legs getting weaker as we stood there together. I opened my eyes and he pressed his mouth to mine again.

In the middle of our kiss he picked me up easily. He walked forward, pushing me against another door. He carried me into the guest bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. I felt my body hit a soft bed as he laid me down underneath him. I shivered as he pulled my shirt off, then pulled his own off. He sat up above me, his beautiful body staring down at me. I ran my fingers down his chest, his warm skin making me smile.

"Bellamy," my voice was small as he pressed his lips against my neck, leaving a trail of kisses down my chest, "I love you."

His hand was on the button to my jeans, "I've always loved you," he whispered, pressing his mouth to mine once more.

He kissed me harder, faster as his hand slipped between my legs. His eyes were big as I felt him push aside my underwear. I gasped against his lips when he pressed his fingers into me. My entire body trembled as I remember the feeling of pleasure. He moved in and out slowly, making my whimpers turn into moans. I closed my eyes, my stomach building with a pressure.

I cried out when I felt it release, "Bellamy."

I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me. He looked so proud of himself as he kissed me once more, "it's beautiful, to hear you cry my name like that."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hand brushing over his pants. I could feel him between us. I didn't want that fabric to be in my way anymore. I pushed against him, this time he moaned. I smiled as I pushed them down with my hands. We both braced ourselves for the main event.

"Clarke?" He looked down at me, making sure I was ready.

I nodded my head, lacing my fingers between his. I pulled myself up and kissed him. Then I gasped as he moved inside me. At that same moment he moaned, pushing further in. I closed my eyes, my mouth open as he moved. I never thought it would feel this way, I never thought I would love someone as much as I loved this man.

Our bodies knew what they were doing, even as we both fumbled to grasp how amazing this was. Bellamy was staring down at me, his hand finding my chest again. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he moved faster. My eyes rolled back as I felt myself start to give into that same pressure that had been there before.

"Clarke," he said my name as he started to fall apart. I giggled as he kissed me, my eyes closing.

Bellamy pulled me into his arms once we were both satisfied. I grabbed his black shirt and pulled it on, hoping Dylan would actually sleep through the night. I laced my fingers through his, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.

"Never has a girl cried after we were together," he whispered, pressing a kiss on my shoulder.

I let out a small breath, "I'm scared Bell. I'm scared of this, of us. You've always been here, if this messes us up, I don't want to do it. I feel like my life is already so upside down, I can't question my relationship with you too."

Bellamy pulled me in closer to him, kissing me again. I felt his lips travel up my neck, stopped behind my ear, "no matter what happens, I'll always be here."

I turned so that I was facing him, our legs tangled together. Tears gathered in my eyes as I held his gaze, "promise me this doesn't change anything. I don't know what I'd do without you. Not since I lost so much already."

Bellamy laid there looking at me, his eyes shining in the dim light. He pulled me in close, his lips soft against mine. This kiss was light, soft the same way that very first one we shared had been. I smiled as he pulled away, his fingers pushing back a stray curl.

"Nothing can change us, princess. You belong here with me," his voice was low. I squeezed his hand and I prayed to my dad, to god, whoever was up there watching down that he was right. I didn't want to belong anywhere else.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Text**

I woke up to her little voice giggling. I turned around and saw Dylan standing in front of the bed looking at me curled up beside Bellamy. Thankfully the blanket was covering both of us.

"Momma, birthday!" She crawled in beside me and jumped on Bellamy's chest.

He woke up with a start, "well that's one way to wake a guy up, Dylan," he kissed her temple and I smiled. He looked at me, I could see the worry in his eyes mirror mine, "good morning."

I leaned in and kissed him, making sure he knew this wasn't awkward for me. This right here, Dylan in his arms, me waking up beside him, this was everything I never knew I wanted. The tension that had followed us for the last few days was gone, "yes. It is a good morning."

"Bellmy birthday," she poked his cheek, "momma. Bellmy."

I laughed as he tickled her stomach, watching them together. There was no weirdness between us. I had told the truth last night, I was scared of letting this develop. But maybe this was supposed to happen. My dad always told me being friends first would make your love stronger, deeper. He told me it was a bond, a love that would last a lifetime.

"I guess the medicine kicked in pretty quick," I said letting out a breath and holding tightly onto the sheet. I was still wearing his shirt. She had more color this morning, she looked more like herself than she had last night.

Bellamy nodded pressing his hand against her forehead, "she's not hot anymore either," he turned his attention back to her, "you're such a big girl now. What are we going to do to stop you from growing?"

Dylan held up her hand, "free!"

We both laughed, "yes sweetheart. You're three! Tavia is bringing you presents."

I heard the front door open as Bellamy looked at me. Octavia always let herself in, but today was one of those days I could tell he wasn't happy he had given her a key. If we didn't find our way downstairs she would come looking for us. We would never ever live this down if she found us in the spare bedroom together. I let out a small breath, both of us thinking the exact same thing as Dylan bounced against his chest once more.

She clapped her hands together, "up," she pointed at me. Then she looked at Bellamy her little hand hitting his cheek, "up."

He nodded, "okay. Go down and see Tavia. Mom and I will meet you there," he kissed her cheek before she climbed over me, not so gently, and then went out the door.

I looked over at Bellamy nervously, "so last night."

"Was the best night of my life," he whispered. He pulled me back into his arms and kissed my temple, "I promise you Clarke, I'm not playing games."

I nodded, kissing his jaw, "you better not be. Because I've got two hearts to look out for here. One belongs to a three year old who thinks you hold the world in your hands."

He ran them up my arms, "laying here like this, I am holding my world in my hands. I don't want to ever let you go."

I closed my eyes, feeling content in staying with him, "if we don't move Octavia will come looking. She'll be worse than Dylan."

He laughed, placing one last kiss on my temple. I stood up first, stretching my arms above my head, "if you keep doing that I'm locking the door and we aren't leaving this room for the rest of the day."

I laughed as he pressed his lips against my wrist and I pulled away, "Dylan wouldn't be happy about us missing her birthday party. You're her favorite person."

He flashed me a proud smile, "that I am, aren't I? It's a good thing I'm so humble, that might just go to my head."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, walking towards the door, "yeah, so humble."

I walked out as he threw the pillow at me. I heard it hit the door as I shut it quietly, walking back towards his room. Bubbah greeted me with a tail wag. I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing a flash of Clarke once more. My cheeks were flushed, I was smiling without even trying. I felt more like myself standing there pulling his shirt off and finding my own.

I pulled on a pair of shorts just as he opened the door. He was shirtless, his boxers loose around his waist, "good you're dressed," he sighed as he walked in and looked at Bubbah.

I bit my lip as he stood at his dresser pulling out clothes, "have you always been so, buff?"

His deep laugh made my heart flutter, "I guess you never noticed me before now, huh princess?"

I felt myself blush once more as he pulled his shirt on. My eyes went down to the black one I had fallen asleep in, discarded on the floor. I wanted to curl up in that shirt and breathe in scent in for as long as I could. I looked away as he got dressed, pretending to be interested in fixing my hair. I didn't miss the smile he had when he looked at me through the mirror.

Octavia's eyes were big as Bellamy and I came down the stairs. Dylan must have said something, she was giggle in his sisters arms, "momma and Bellmy. Up!"

I blushed as Octavia raised an eyebrow, "so I hear momma and Bellmy were sleeping."

I nodded, "yup. Just sleeping. So what do you need help with?"

"No. You aren't helping, Raven and I put the party together. You and Bellamy take the little one and be back at three," Octavia passed Dylan to me. She reached for Bellamy.

He laughed and pulled her into his arms. She kissed his cheek making his sister and I smiled even more as we watched them together, "hey there, little princess."

He carried her into the living room and Octavia grabbed my wrist, "Clarke?"

I nodded my head slightly, blushing as she squealed. I laughed, and she wrapped her arms around me, "it's not that big of a deal. We slept together."

"Finally!" She said pulling away, "maybe now we can all get some peace from both of you. Take Dylan to the park, be a happy little family for the day," she kissed my cheek, "the party is my thing. It's the least I can do for my new sister."

I shook my head, "yeah, yeah. Thanks Octavia. I didn't have anything planned for her birthday, I felt bad. You're a life saver."

She nodded and I went into the living room. Dylan was giggling at Bellamy, "momma present!"

She held up a soft little baby doll that I have never seen before, "Bellamy? You didn't have to get her a present."

He looked at me with those brown eyes and I realized just what everyone was talking about. He wasn't hiding his feelings anymore, "she's my girl. Of course I had to get her something."

I kissed her cheek, smoothing down her wild curls. She had the same problems I did in the mornings, "happy birthday sweetheart."

She wiggled out of his arm, "park!"

"I guess the birthday girl wants to go to the park. What do you say Bell?"

He smiled at both of us, "I say we go to the park."

Dylan jumped up excited, pulling on my hand. I heard Octavia on the phone and I could only imagine what she would tell Raven. I took one hand in mine and Bellamy took the other in his. We really did look like a little family on our way out the door. I couldn't stop smiling, my heart was so full for the first time since I got home.

Bellamy pulled on her hand and swung her up into the air. She giggled like the happiest little girl in the world, "she really loves you, you know."

He looked surprised, "I love her too."

"Good because you're stuck with us now," I looked away from him as I blushed. He knew what I meant. Still I wasn't ready to admit it out loud.

The wind picked up, "I think I'm okay with that."

It was nice how normal this felt. Nothing was awkward, even Dylan didn't seem weirded out by what had happened this morning. She seemed happy, she loved Bellamy as much as I did. It was easy being with Bellamy, just like I knew it would be.

Still I had this weird feeling our little bubble would pop before we could really enjoy it.

Dylan ran ahead of us once we got near the swings. Bellamy laughed at her little legs moving as fast as they could. He stepped in towards me and picked my hand up. He laced our fingers together and flashed me that crooked smile.

"So this isn't weird right?" I asked feeling the need to ask the obvious question, "I need to know its not weird. I just want to be happy. I'm happy with you Bell."

He pulled me into his side and kissed my cheek. He was warm, "you make me happy too. This isn't weird, this is better than I always imagined it would be."

I smiled, his arm wrapped around my waist, "how long have you felt this way?"

Bellamy pulled away and walked around the swing. He stood behind Dylan and I lifted her in. She giggled as he pulled her backwards and I stood in front, "since before you married him."

Tears gathered in my throat as I realized how long that had been. I had gotten married so young. I bit my lip, looking at my daughter. If I had known, would she be our daughter instead? How had I been so blind? Even my daughter had realized early on how we felt about each other. Why had I been so afraid of letting him in? Why was I so sure I didn't deserve someone as amazing and patient as Bellamy love me?

I sighed, bringing my eyes back up to his as he pushed Dylan towards me again, "why didn't you tell me?"

This time he looked shy. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, "because I didn't think you felt the same way. I didn't want you to think I was lying so you wouldn't marry that asshole. I thought you'd be mad and end up hating me," Dylan clapped her hands together, "I thought about going to your house every single day. I had it all planned out, I would tell you how I felt and I'd save you from that monster. But I could never do it. I was too afraid you'd reject me."

I stood there in front of Dylan's swing, not pushing her. Bellamy was doing all the work. My heart hurt as I took in a deep breath, "I just need a second. Can you watch her?"

"Yeah," he was quiet as I walked away from the two of them. I ran my hands through my hair, trying not to break down. I just didn't know how to handle his truth. If he had gone through with it, my father would still be alive. I wouldn't have to hide my bruises. Dylan wouldn't need so much protection.

I wiped away a tear as I stood facing the trees. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to understand why after everything I had been through, that boy still loved me. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I would thank whoever it was up there smiling down on me.

My mind was racing, I knew how I felt. After these last two years I was still trying to find my way back to the girl Bellamy was in love with. I wanted to find her again, but I wasn't sure where to start looking.

Then again I had been so afraid to tell him how I was feeling this last week, I shouldn't have been surprised he would feel the same. Especially since he had been keeping his feelings hidden for more than four years now. I shook my head, wondering why I was still so confused and hell bent on ruining a moment that should've been one of the happiest moments of my life.

Tan arms wrapped around my waist, "please tell me you aren't rethinking this."

I shook my head, "no. I'm just trying to clear my head. I mean I still can't believe any of this. I used to think it was all in my head, you and me. I always thought coming home would mean losing everything. But everyone still cares, everyone isn't blaming me. They all love her —"

My voice broke as the tears gathered in my eyes. I turned around in his arms, feeling his hands find their way to my hips. He smiled down at me, "they all still love you too, Clarke."

"Yeah," I smiled back at him, "even you. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I'm so glad I still have you."

He leaned down as I stood up taller, pressing my lips against his. I knew after this moment I was gone. I was head over heels in love with my best friend. I could only hope he would still feel the same after my homecoming calmed down.

Dylan came running over, pulling on my hand, "momma love Bellmy."

I laughed as he lifted her up into his arms. I loved watching his hold my little girl, "yeah," I nodded rubbing my nose against hers, "not nearly as much as I love you."

"Ah that hurts," he touched his heart with his hand. I pushed him away playfully, "are you ready to go home?"

Dylan shook her head, "no! Play."

She wiggled out of his arms and ran towards the jungle gym. Bellamy took my hand again and we sat down in the grassy area near the slide, watching Dylan as she entertained herself.

I could tell he wanted to say more, his hands were fidgeting with something in his pocket. I sighed happily, "she has way too much energy for a child who had the flu yesterday."

He squinted up at her, "the doctor did say she'd bounce back fast. Those antibiotics must be amazing."

I knew we had time, but I had to ask, "why are you still seeing Roma?"

Bellamy sighed, "I'm not. I told you I was because you kept deciding for me. Yesterday at the ER you said just friends for me, I didn't get a chance to tell you that wasn't true. I want to be your friend and more. But someone always interrupted us."

I sighed, "you were avoiding me."

He shook his head, "I wasn't avoiding you, I was avoiding my feelings. I thought I could deal with just being friends if you rejected me. But I couldn't and I wasn't ready to ask you about that kiss, because you didn't want to bring it up. So I stayed away, trying to push down my feelings for you, when really all I wanted to do was start kissing you again and never stop."

"I have to be careful, Bell. You're my best friend but I have a little girl who's heart still believes there's good in this world. I don't care what happens to mine, it's already been broken and glued back together. But I will not let you play around with hers."

Bellamy reached over and picked up my hand, "I can promise you I would never think about breaking her heart. That little girl is as important to me as she is to you. I promise you that."

I looked up to see Dylan sliding down the long slide and I knew he was telling the truth. She had gotten to him on that first day here, the way she had taken to him so quickly. They were the perfect pair, somehow I had gotten lucky twice now. I squeezed his fingers, knowing no matter what happened between us, she would always have him in her life.

We sat there watching her. I couldn't believe she was three. It felt like I was carrying her around in my stomach yesterday, ready to meet her. My life had not gone the way I planned, but the last three years with that little girl are still my favorite. John was a monster, but that gave me so much time to bond with her. She was my best friend, she always knew how to make me laugh. God sure knew what he was doing bringing her into my life.

I was so caught up in watching Dylan I didn't realize Bellamy had laid an envelop down in front of me, "what's this?"

"The last letter I wrote you. The last one that came back. I want you to read that one."

I shook my head. I was finally ready to leave all the pain and heartache in the past. I was ready to look at Bellamy and see my future, "no. I want to start over. Everything that happened while I was with John doesn't matter. I want this to be our fresh start. Dylan's third birthday, the day we finally see each other. This is our moment, not his."

He smiled, putting the envelope back in his pocket, "okay. Can I give you something else? I know it's Dylan's birthday but I want to give it to you now."

"I guess if you have to give me something," I rolled my eyes and he laughed. I watched him pull a box out of his pocket. It was small and black. It looked old and worn, "Bellamy?"

"Don't worry this isn't what you think it is. I just made a promise to your dad and I intend to keep it."

The tears found me once again as he mentioned my father. I took in a breath, "what are you talking about?"

He sat up straighter, "your dad came to me after you were gone for the first year. I think it was right around the time your visits and phone calls stopped. He told me he knew how I felt," he coughed, looking down at his hands blushing, "he told me it was our secret. But he also told me this story about a little you that was in love with her best friend. He could see it, but apparently you couldn't."

I shook my head, "apparently I'm late the the party. As always."

He laughed, "anyways, your dad told me you used to look at this every single day in your moms Jewelry box. He knew one day he would give it to the man you spent the rest of your life with. When we got older, he saw the way I looked at you. He wanted me to give it to you, because he wanted someone who loved you more than anything else to be in your life. He saw that in me. He said we were meant to be together."

I knew what he was talking about, "he was supposed to give this to the man I married. I wondered why John never gave it to me after the wedding."

He sighed, "he told me that he couldn't give it to John, so he kept it. After he took you away from us, Jake realized why he didn't want John to give you this tradition. He always thought it would be me."

My dad had always known me better than I knew myself. My heart was racing, my mind was blank. I was speechless, sitting there staring at the boy I had known my entire life. He was giving me the last piece I would ever have of my father. I had no idea how to thank him for it. I wiped away a tear as he continued.

"I uh," he cleared his throat as he ran his hand over the box, "I didn't think you were going to come back to me Clarke. But now that you're here, I won't let you go again."

I smiled, knowing this was the last thing my dad would ever give me. I didn't care about the tradition, the necklace. I didn't care that John never gave it to me. Because in this moment my father was giving me the best gift I never knew I wanted. He was giving me Bellamy. That was better than any present he could buy.

He handed me the box and I wasn't sure I wanted to open it. I did slowly, pulling the lid back and looking down at the necklace. It was beautiful, a heart made of Dylan's birthstone. It had been my moms when I was born, given to my dad by her dad. It was a tradition in our family. I had gotten lucky, it meant more than just love from Bellamy. Dylan was born in the same month as the diamond.

"Bellamy," my voice broke.

He unclasped the necklace and spun me around. I picked up my hair, feeling the tips of his fingers brush against my skin. I closed my eyes, silently thanking my dad for giving us his final blessing. He might not be able to see us together, but he would always be hanging right above my heart.

I turned around and he kissed me softly, before I could say anything else. Dylan came running towards us, tackling me to the ground, "momma," her little hands held my cheeks. She rubbed her nose against mine the way I always did to her, "presents?"

I laughed, tickling her sides. No matter how many times she interrupted us, I would never care. She was my baby girl, and I loved her more than anything else in this world. I looked over at Bellamy, my hair sprawled out in the grass around me, "think Octavia has the party set up?"

He glanced at his watch, "we were supposed to be back ten minutes ago. I'm surprised she hasn't called."

I sat up, pulling Dylan up with me. I balanced her on my hip, "she's more excited for us than we are."

"That's true," he turned so I could put her on his back. She laughed as he gave her a piggy back ride down the street. No matter what happened after today, I knew there was nowhere else for me. Because my life started and ended here with Bellamy. It might have taken me four years to realize it, but there was no one else for me and there never would be.


	10. Chapter 10

Octavia had transformed the house for Dylan. There were princesses everywhere when we walked through the front door. She ran into the kitchen and hugged Octavia, who picked her up and took her into the backyard. Everyone was already here, and there were presents lining the table. I shook my head, amazed at how much she and done for a child she had only met a week ago.

Raven found me first, "finally," she said pulling me away from Bellamy. We had been quiet on our walk home, just being in the moment together. We hadn't talked about what we would tell our friends, but we both knew his sister had probably beaten us to the punch. Now that we were here and not together, I was worried what he would say. I was questioning his feelings once again.

Bellamy was standing beside Jasper as Raven snapped her fingers in my face, "tell me everything."

I rolled my eyes, "I have some pride Raven. I won't tell you everything," my eyes went behind her where the cake was sitting, "holy crap. That thing is huge."

She glared at me, "hey don't think you're getting off that easy. Tell me what happened with you and Bell. I heard you're official now."

I smiled, "maybe, possibly."

Her smile told me it was okay if that's all I told her, "thank god. We were about ready to take bets on how long it would take you two to finally get together."

I laughed, "I'm so glad you all care about my life love so much," I walked around her towards the cake, "now tell me who's idea was it to get a cake this big?"

"You know Octavia, go big or go home," she stood beside me as I looked at the three tiered cake. I shook my head, we would be eating cake for weeks with this thing.

I laughed, Raven was right, "yeah I suppose so."

I stood there staring at the presents, when I heard the familiar deep voice behind me. We had separated once we got back here. The blissful moment at the park was ruined when I listened to him talk to Jasper.

"So you and Clarke huh? Finally," I kept my eyes in front of me. I didn't want him to know I could hear.

Bellamy cleared his throat, "yeah. I can't believe it finally happened."

Jasper raised his hand, "it took four years. My bet was only on two. But seeing as you got it before a first date, I'll still pay up."

My heart stopped. What the hell was he talking about? My eyes glanced over and I saw Bellamy shaking his head, "it's not like that Jasper. It's not a big deal, don't make it one."

Octavia called for Bellamy's attention the exact moment I turned to look at him with Jasper. His eyes went wide as I grabbed the plates Octavia was holding and stormed away from him. He followed me to the table and sighed, standing across from me.

"Clarke," his voice was small and I didn't see the man who was at the park with me earlier. I saw someone who wasn't even my best friend standing across from me.

"You told me this wasn't a game Bell. I thought you understood last night. I thought earlier at the park it was all clear," I pushed down the tears, "I was completely honest with you."

He ran his hand through his hair, "I was honest too. I just didn't know what to say, did you want me to tell him everything? I thought it would be easier to let him think what he wants, they're all going to keep asking anyways."

I rolled my eyes, "well since you're so embarrassed for them to know the truth, we could pretend like it didn't happen, but then I would have to pretend like I didn't care. I do care Bellamy. I have always cared. What happened last night wasn't just a need for me. It was you, I wanted it to be you."

He ran his hand through his hair, "Clarke please. I care about you too. I didn't mean to push it off so easily with Jasper. I'm just nervous, this is brand new. I don't want to lose you before I get to have you."

I understood what he was saying. One wrong word and every one of our friends would be loud and obnoxious about us together. I was about to tell him it was okay, we could keep it between us. I was about to apologize for being so sensitive. But a head of brown hair behind him caught my eye. I crossed my arms over my chest, raising an eyebrow as I watched her join the party. Roma came walking through the door right at that very moment.

I shook my head, feeling a stab in the heart. If he really cared she wouldn't be here. I still had my doubts about him and I. They were coming through more and more today, even after our time at the park. I couldn't help but wonder why was he stringing us both along? I didn't understand what his end game was.

"I thought you broke up with her?" my voice was low as I stood across the table from him. He winced, clearly not sure how to answer my question.

Finally he raised his eyes to mine, "she doesn't want to believe that it's over. Clarke, I wanted it to be you too. I am not in love with her, I never was."

I wanted to believe him, "this is why I didn't want to tell you. I could deal with my feelings if it meant I didn't lose my best friend. You promised me I wouldn't lose you, Bell. You're too important to me."

"You won't ever lose me, princess. I'm just trying to figure this all out. I have to figure out how to make her see she's not the one I want. I told her on the phone she shouldn't come over, but she's stubborn. I have a thing for stubborn woman."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't find him cute or funny.

I nodded my head, "well you better figure it out soon. Because I can handle my heartbreak, but I'll be damned if you screw around with Dylan's heart. She loves you, I don't want to take her away from another father figure."

I wouldn't let him hurt my daughter. I didn't care if he got what he wanted the other night. I had needed that release as much as he did. But I wouldn't let that be an excuse to drag my little girl through another heart break. Over the past week Bellamy and Dylan had gotten close. I knew she would be hurt if we left his house.

I set down the plates I was holding as I watched Roma run her hands up the back of his shirt. I bit my lip hard, jumping when Octavia hit my shoulder.

"Where's the birthday girl?" She stopped when I looked at her, "oh no. What did he do?"

I shook my head, "nothing. I was the one who did it," I stopped and pushed my tears down, "she's inside getting spoiled by everyone. Last time I saw her Finn was giving her a piggy back ride."

"Clarke," Octavia grabbed my wrist, "listen to him. He loves you, I can promise you that. Whatever he's doing with her," she nodded her chin towards Roma, "he's cutting off as fast as he can."

I sighed, wiping away a tear, "yeah well he should try to go a little faster. Finn was right. I don't think I can wait around forever. After last night and this afternoon, I got a taste of something I don't want to lose. But I'm not sure how I can hold onto it without his help."

I looked away from his sister. This was too much for me.

It took half an hour but Bellamy finally found a way back to me, "Clarke can you talk to me please? I told Roma to leave."

My heart was in my throat, "Bell I can't do this again. I can't walk around wondering what the person I'm with is feeling. I'm already trying to piece myself back together. I can't do that if I'm afraid you don't feel the same about me."

He laughed, shaking his head, "Clarke I told you how I feel. Nothing has changed that. But you know me as well as I know you. I've never been one to shout out my feelings about anything. So the thing with Jasper doesn't matter, I promise it was me deflecting eyes away from seeing my feelings once again."

I looked down, knowing I was acting like a brat. But I was scared, I was still scared to let myself fall again. Because the last time hadn't turned out too well. I took in a breath, biting my lip as I heard Dylan coming running over. I watched her pull on his hand, his smile real and genuine. I wasn't just scared for me this time around. I was terrified I would let Dylan fall in love with the wrong person too.

Bellamy hoisted Dylan up in his arms easily, but he didn't break his eyes away from mine. He was begging me to forgive him. For some reason I just couldn't find it in me to believe he was done with Roma. I had spent two years being broken and feeling ashamed. It was hard to believe anyone would want me.

But this was Bellamy, he had known me at my best and seen me at my worst. He loved me no matter what, which meant it was real. I knew he didn't want her. I was tired of fighting myself, I just wanted him.

"Bellmy crown," Dylan pointed to her head, "Tavia. I princess."

He nodded, "yeah. My little princess," but he didn't look at her, which she didn't like. She wanted him to see the tiny crown that Octavia had given her. He kept staring at me, waiting for me to tell him I wasn't mad anymore.

He sighed, "she knows we're broken up. She wanted to meet Dylan. I uh, haven't stopped talking about her since you got here."

I smiled, looking over at Roma. She did seem uncomfortable being here. No one was talking to her, Bellamy had to be telling the truth. I nodded my head, hoping he understood that our little fight was over. I knew I should apologize, but I was hoping he knew I was sorry. We were alike in that aspect, we both had a hard to admitting we were wrong.

"Bellmy," Dylan kept trying to get his attention away from me, the crown falling slightly off her tiny head. She tapped his chest, he grabbed her hand in his, "Bellmy daddy?"

We both stopped, looking at her with wide eyes. My heart stopped in my chest, Dylan smiling as she looked from me to Bellamy and back again. His face was full of shock, and yet I could see the smile trying to come through.

"He's not your dad," the voice made me jump, and Bellamy held tighter to Dylan as he looked over my shoulder. I knew John I was standing there, I could feel his eyes staring at me.

Bellamy handed Dylan to me. She didn't look up from her doll as he stepped in front of us. Always the protector, "no, I'm not her biological father. But I make a hell of a better dad than you'll ever be."

I smiled, knowing he was right. Bellamy would be a much better dad than John. He already was a better father, and we had only been here for a short time. I put my hand on the back of her head and held her tightly. I wouldn't let her dad ruin her birthday, not this year.

"You can't be here," my voice didn't shake as Bellamy stayed standing in front of me. Lincoln had come to make sure he knew he wasn't welcome.

Octavia was beside me, her hand on Dylan's arm. We were all staring at John, waiting for him to leave, "you can go now."

"I have a right to see my daughter," his voice was hard and I winced. Even when he was standing a few feet away from me I was afraid of him. Lincoln and Bellamy were the perfect human shield.

Bellamy shook his head, "no you don't. Now I suggest you get off my property before I call the police for trespassing."

I turned away, I didn't want to watch the scene anymore. Octavia took Dylan for me, I forced a smile, thankful for her once again. She squeezed my forearm and then occupied my daughter. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You weren't invited to the party John. But I'm sure you were served a nice restraining order," I stood up taller as I stepped between the two men, "so you can leave or I will call the police."

Lincoln smiled, "not before we mistake you for an intruder. Which means you'll get some of the same bruises you so graciously gave your beautiful and undeserving wife."

If I were John I would've been afraid of Lincoln. He was covered in black ink, tanner than Bellamy on a summer day, and big as could be. I would've backed down the moment he stepped up beside Bellamy. But John was stupid. He didn't back down, he took a step closer.

"Don't even think about touching either of them," Bellamy put his hand out in front of me. My bruises were still healing, but they weren't nearly as bad as when I got here.

He looked angry, "she's my wife, they're my family Blake. I'm not afraid of you."

Lincoln took a step forward, my eyes still on Bellamy. I didn't even notice Lincoln's fist fly into John's face until he screamed. He cursed, spitting blood into the grass. Bellamy put his hand on my arm, turning and looking at me.

"You okay?"

I nodded, he pressed his lips against my forehead. I took in a breath and I was glad he didn't join Lincoln in on the fight. Of course that changed when John out a hand on his shoulder. His hands were on my forearms and he went stiff as he looked down at me. I was staring into his eyes, waiting to see what he did to the man who had hurt me for no reason the entire time we were married.

"She's my wife, not yours," he spat the words at Bellamy, who stepped away from me. John grabbed my wrist, making me realize he was standing a lot closer to me than I thought he had been. He squeezed my wrist hard, turning it as Bellamy pushed him away. I yelped as I felt the throbbing pain shoot through my arm.

Bellamy turned around so fast I had to step away before his elbow hit me too. His fist landed on his jaw and he staggered backwards. I looked over at Octavia, who took Dylan inside. My eyes scanned the party for help, I didn't want to let them kill him. No matter what he had done to me, I wasn't that person.

My eyes stopped on Finn. Raven had her hand on his arm, but his eyes found mine as I started towards him. He stood up, "I need you to get him out of here."

Bellamy was spitting blood as I looked back over. My heart sank as I saw the fight getting worse right in front of me. I wasn't helpless anymore, they didn't need to defend me. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to start over.

I knew I could finally let go of all the pain he had caused me. I just needed him out of my life. That was what the restraining order was for.

Finn followed me, pulling his phone out,"there's a car five minutes away," he pressed send, "they're on their way. I'll try and break this up."

Jasper had come over to help too. I stood watching as Bellamy stumbled away. Finn grabbed John's arm and twisted it behind him, "you're under arrest for violating your restraining order."

Finn held him tightly, Jasper pulled Lincoln away. Bellamy was standing there searching the yard for something. His eyes stopped on me as the sirens sounded in front of his house. He didn't look bad, a few scratches were all I could see from here.

The police came around the yard and helped Finn take John to their car. The entire party watched as John was arrested and taken away. Dylan was tucked inside the house, Octavia was watching through the window. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder.

My heart was racing as I stood there staring at Bellamy, wondering when my life would stop being such a mess.

Raven hugged me, and I leaned into her side. I wasn't going to fall apart. This was the last straw. He had taken away so many moments of my life, I could never get them back. I refused to let him do that to my daughter. I wouldn't let Dylan growing up and resenting anyone for taking her happiness.

I held onto Raven's hand tightly, feeling the old Clarke coming back. I was stronger than this, I always had been. He might have kept me locked away, I might have thought he broke me down, but I was wrong. Here with Bellamy and everyone else, feeling real love for the first time, I knew I wasn't lost anymore. I had finally been found.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Once the excitement from John's outburst died down, I was ready for the party to be over. My wrist was throbbing, but Dylan was so excited for her cake I didn't have the heart to cut the party short. We sang her happy birthday, she wanted Bellamy to help her get the ones she missed. We watched her open her presents, everyone had been thinking Princesses thanks to Octavia. Apparently she decided since I was Bellamy's princess, Dylan was too. Dylan got fussy after presents. She had held out longer than I expected since there weren't any other kids for her to play with.

Raven and Octavia told me they would take care of cleaning up the yard. I offered to help, but I was still holding my wrist. Raven shook her head and told me to go get some ice for it. They could take care of the mess they made. Once I got inside I grabbed a bag of frozen peas, and listened to the voices coming from upstairs.

I walked slowly up the steps, thinking about how quick Bellamy always is to defend us. Never once did he care what happened to him, he stepped in front of me and Dylan. Even Lincoln had defended us. I didn't get a chance to thank him for that. Especially since he was the one who first hit John.

I stopped outside Bellamy's bedroom door, listening to him talk to Dylan. I smiled, looking at the spare room. Bellamy had been sleeping on the couch. There was a bed he could've been sleeping on, and yet he had put the blankets on the couch. I shook my head, realizing he had been protecting us even when we were sleeping. It was after the first time John came that he went to the couch. Sure our kiss had initiated it, but then again he didn't choose the bed. He stayed down here.

If John broke in he would be the first one to hear it. He would be able to protect us before he made it upstairs and found us in Bellamy's bed. I smiled again, shaking my head. Always the protector. Even if he thought he was being sneaky. I wanted to kick myself, why was I still afraid of myself and these feelings we both had for each other?

I stood in the door way looking at my two favorite people. Bellamy was sitting in his bed, holding Dylan between his legs. She was looking at the pictures, pointing and smiling as he read to her. She loved Goodnight Moon, she had me read it to her every single night for a while. Bellamy was even doing little voices for all the characters, I smiled at the scene in front of me.

Once again I was grateful for my best friend, even if he had made me mad earlier. He had gotten her away from the scene that exploded, he had made sure her birthday wasn't ruined by anyone.

I sighed and decided not to interrupt their moment together. I held my wrist in my hand and went back down to the kitchen, searching for something to help with. John had gotten pretty close to hurting me once again. I was at a loss as to what I could clean up with one wrist. It hurt pretty badly, every time I tried to twist it, the pain went up my arm. I was hoping it was just a sprain and nothing more.

Even with the scene John had made, Dylan's birthday had been better than the last two. There were more people to spoil her, more people to laugh with. It had been better mostly because Octavia had went all out. She really did love that little girl. Almost as much as her brother did.

I was glad we sort of worked out our problems. I knew I was blowing the Jasper thing out of proportion, but at the same time it hurt to hear him act like it was nothing. He had been the one telling our friends how he felt. He had been the one waiting for me while I was away. I didn't need him to declare his love for me in front of everyone. But I didn't want him to be afraid to say what he was feeling to anyone else but me either.

I knew I needed to apologize. I needed to tell him everything I was feeling. Watching him with Dylan, seeing him protect her the way he always protected me was how I knew there was no reason to be afraid of my feelings. Or his feelings for that matter. No matter what he said to everyone else, at the end of the day I knew exactly how he felt. Which was what should matter the most.

I crossed my arms over my chest and closed my eyes, the realization hitting me. I didn't love him because he was my best friend. He was my best friend because I was in love with him. It was like one came along with the other. I let go of my fears, my confusion, and I smiled. I loved him as a friend, as a person. I was in love with Bellamy Blake. He was it for me.

"She's out," I jumped as he hit the last step and joined me in the kitchen, "she fell asleep after telling me many times thank you."

I smiled, my daughter was adorable, "she's nothing if not polite. I taught her that early." I took in a deep breath, "thank you. You saved her from the chaos that seems to follow me around these days."

He leaned against the counter beside me and nodded. We were so close and yet so far away. I hadn't apologize to him since I told him to figure things out. I had stayed away, giving him space. Well it was more like I was giving myself space. The room was quiet and I knew I had to fix this. I wanted to fix this, because I couldn't lose what we had. No matter what chaos followed, Bellamy had always been the constant in my life.

"Bell I'm sorry. I know I was hard on you. I know it wasn't fair for me to put you on the spot with Roma. It's a lot to ask of someone to make a decision that fast. Between losing my dad and leaving John, I've lost all control over my life. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's been hard, and yet you've made it easier on me. You are the only constant Dylan and I have in our lives," I put my hand up so he knew I wasn't finished.

Bellamy closed his mouth as I sighed, "I've just been so scared and confused these past few days. You're my best friend and I love you. But I don't just love you. I'm in love with you. That scares the hell out of me, because I'm terrified of losing the foundation we have. I'm terrified of losing the only thing I have left that reminds me of who I was, who I want to be again."

A tear slipped down my cheek as he stood there staring at me. His lips were parted, surprise written all over his face. We had danced around the word earlier at the park, even though we both knew we loved each other. But our love had always been different, more of a friendship love. When I told him I loved him, it was like telling that to my mom or dad. Now that I was in love with him, there was a lot more at stake. It was deeper, there was more meaning to the word.

My heart was pounding, my mind racing with so much more. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and the way he took Dylan under his wing. I wanted him to know that I was okay with him protecting her the way he had always protected me. I wanted us to be the family her father and I couldn't be.

Bellamy pushed himself off the counter before I could say anything else. He stood in front of me, my breath catching in my throat. He uncrossed his arms, putting his hands on either side of my face. He didn't say anything, he just leaned in, pressing his lips to mine once more. I closed my eyes, smiling as his lips moved with mine. This was all I needed to know he felt the same way. No matter how or why we had found our way back into each other's lives.

"I've been in love with you Clarke ever since you cried on my shoulder the morning of your wedding," he smiled as he pulled away from me. His brown eyes were beautiful in the dim light, "I've wanted to tell you the moment I opened that door and found you on my porch. It's always been you, it will always be you. All the others were just complications. None of it mattered without you."

Bellamy wiped away a tear that fell down my cheek, "last night when I cried, I was scared you wouldn't feel the same way. He's broken more than my spirit, Bell. I have a hard time believing people when they say they love me."

He shook his head, kissing me quickly once more, "well then I guess I have to help you build it all back up. Trust me, I've wanted to tell you for a while now. I thought Octavia was pretty obvious for me. I just thought you needed some time to process everything. I didn't want to pressure you."

I kissed him this time, his hands still holding my face close to his. I moved into him, my chest pressed against his as his arms wrapped around my waist. Another tear fell as I pulled away.

I pressed my forehead against his, "I love how you love my daughter like she's your own. I love how no matter how hard I've tried to stop you, you still beat people up for me. But mostly I love how I can remember every single moment of my life and you're right there beside me."

Bellamy's eyes were closed as we stood there together. His breathing matched mine, "that little girl is beautiful. She's everything to you and you're everything to me," he opened his eyes and I could see all the things he was trying to say. He held me tighter as his sister opened the back door, "stay with me Clarke. Don't find somewhere else to go. Don't worry about anything. You and Dylan deserve a home. I want that home to be here with me."

I smiled, running my hand down his chest, "wow I didn't even get a first date and already he's asking me to move in?"

His sister laughed, standing there watching us with big eyes, "please you two have had twenty years of first dates. About time you finally get together for real."

"Octavia," his voice was low, he was annoyed. I giggled, his eyes closing slowly as he sighed and tried to wish his sister away from us. She didn't ruin this moment for me, she made it even better. He didn't pull away from me, he didn't dismiss our relationship this time. Instead he held me closer, his lips finding mine.

"I think what she means to say is yes, I'll stay here with you. I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be."

Bellamy hugged me, his arms around my waist as he picked me up and spun me around. My feet were in the air, my laugh loud as he laughed with me. I looked at him when he stopped, pressing my hand against his cheek, "you're my home. I didn't know it until I was forced to choose."

I kissed him softly, Octavia pulling me away before he could make it deeper. She wrapped her arms around me, squealing loudly as we all stood in the kitchen together. I tried to quiet her down, I didn't want to wake Dylan up, "this means you're so my maid of honor now, Clarke. Dylan will be the cutest little flower girl ever."

I laughed, shaking my head as she held my hands in hers and squeezed them. I sighed, knowing there was no way out of that wedding if I tried. I was happy that his sister loved me as much as she did. Family approval was important to Bellamy.

"Hey," he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I don't think I could ever get tired of that move if I tried to. I pressed myself into his chest, "hands off my girls, O. I just got them, I don't want to share."

I smiled as he pressed his nose into my neck, his lips grazing over my skin. I closed my eyes, listening to Octavia go outside to call Lincoln, "don't worry Bell. It's you and me, it's always been you and me against the world."

I didn't think my heart could handle anymore love than I had in that very moment. Standing there with Bellamy in what was our official home, I knew there was no way I would ever leave again. I couldn't remember why I left in the first place. I turned around in his arms, his eyes full of surprise as I smiled up at him.

"Now that we officially live here, we have to get Dylan to sleep in her own bed," I whispered, running my finger down his chest, "because last night was not enough for me."

He laughed, that deep laugh filled with actual humor in it, "we'll tell her it's all hers tomorrow. She can do whatever she wants with it. I've waited four years to have you in my bed, I can wait another night."

I pressed my lips against his neck, hearing him take in a startled breath, "or we can always use the guest bedroom one last time."

He swallowed loudly, his hands shaking as he gripped my hips. I laughed, knowing I had caused him to react the way he did. I pulled back, waiting for his answer. He opened his mouth, and my heart pulled as a tiny voice called from upstairs.

"Momma! Bellmy!"

I closed my eyes, exhaustion filled my bones. Bellamy squeezed my hips and then I felt him press a kiss against my forehead, "don't worry, I've got this."

I smiled, watching as he went back up the stairs to Dylan. I wasn't in this alone anymore. I had a partner, a friend to share the duty of being mom with me. I had my best friend, who loved my daughter just as much as I did. I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders as I stood there watching his back.

I shook my head, wondering how I had gotten so lucky. Guys like Bellamy were rare to find, even more rare to have been standing there beside you all along. I ran my hand through my hair, listening to him start reading to her again. He was chasing away the monsters, and she giggled at his funny story. As I listened to them I knew she wasn't just my daughter, she was our daughter. She had been ever since I found my way to his door at two in the morning.

We were in this together now, no matter what happened I had Bellamy to hold my hand and promise me it would be alright. He might not be able to fix the world around us, but together we would try. He was my rock, my safe haven. I wouldn't let him be the one that got away.


	12. Epilogue

**This is through Bellamy's POV; Enjoy =)**

 **Three months later**

Octavia had been a walking bridezilla the week before her wedding. I felt bad for Clarke and the hell she was putting her through. The maid of honor had to help with all the arrangements and Clarke wasn't getting enough sleep as it was. She was up all night with Dylan, who had chicken pox. Octavia had been furious when she found out her flower girl might not make it to the ceremony. I had to talk her down, she screamed at Clarke for more than ten minutes about how she should be a better mother.

Clarke was an amazing mother, I had to give it to her. Even after John was released from prison, she stayed strong. I was the one who got angry when he contacted her. He was going to his anger management classes, he was learning how to handle his problems. He wanted to see his daughter, he wanted to tell her he was sorry for the things he put her through. Clarke listened to him. In the end she said he could see Dylan as long as she was there, as long as he was still going to his classes.

We fought about that. I didn't want Dylan to see John, not when he was just released. Sure he was going to his classes now, but if he got what he wanted and saw her, he could quit without a second thought. Clarke was convinced he was changing, she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. She was forgiving that way, she still had a heart of gold. Even that bastard couldn't change that. She was still the girl I had fallen in love with all those years ago.

After Dylan's third birthday we decorated her room with princesses. She loved it, all the pink and purple everywhere. Clarke had painted her a castle on the wall, she played with that thing more than any other toy she got for her birthday. Clarke was happy, she smiled more, she laughed at the little jokes people told. She wasn't as scared as she had been in those first few days. She seemed more like herself.

One night after I got home late from work I found her crying. Dylan was fast asleep, I checked on her whenever I came home to the front door unlocked. Bubbah was whining at the bathroom door, I heard her tears on the other side. I didn't knock, I just opened in and went in. She was sitting with her back against the bathtub, holding my box of letters.

"If I had known, my dad would still be here. I wouldn't have been so afraid to leave," a tear fell down her cheek as Bubbah stood beside me. She was a mess, I still wasn't sure how to handle that. I took in a breath and picked her up, cradling her in my arms. She smelled like Clarke, a mix of roses and woods and home. I kissed her cheek, she wrapped her arms around my neck.

She kept babbling about her dad. Most days she seemed okay, she was dealing with his death one day at a time. But there were nights, like this one, she fell apart. I held her until the tears stop, I always did. She would cling to my shirt, her tears staining the fabric. I didn't care, all I wanted was for her to pull through and remember how much love she still had in this world.

Nighttime was when Clarke would tell me she hated how much time we had lost. Two years we could've been together, if she had been smart enough to leave him before all the abuse started. I told her it didn't matter, because she had gotten Dylan and we were happy together now. Sometimes I was afraid that wasn't enough. So I would stay awake, watching her sleep. She would turn and face me, her features relaxed. She was peaceful when she finally fell asleep beside me.

John stopped going to his anger management classes, so I stopped him from seeing Dylan. He came to the house once drunk and angry, he was looking for a fight. I told him to leave or his fight would end with me. That was the first and only time he tried to lay a hand on our little girl. I didn't care who her biological father was, she was my daughter. She would always be my daughter. I loved her as much as Clarke did.

He lost custody after that. Clarke didn't take his phone calls anymore. We didn't talk about him, even when the police picked him up and threw him back into jail. We had our own lives now, we were happy together. At least I thought we were. Sometimes Clarke would sit and stare out the window, lost in her own little world. I was too afraid to ask what was going on in that pretty little head of hers to understand what she was thinking.

"Bellmy!" Dylan pulled on my pant leg. I smiled down at her, her pretty white dress covered in sparkles. She was a beautiful flower girl, her hair down up in a braid, a flower crown sat on her head like a little halo, "up."

I scooped her into my arms, rubbing my nose against her like Clarke did. She giggled, hitting my cheek as I pulled away, "what's up Dylan? Aren't you supposed to be getting ready with the girls?"

She smiled as I tapped her nose, "momma," she showed me a folded up index card. Before she gave it to me she shook her head, "kiss."

I shook my head, completely wrapped around her tiny little finger. I kissed her cheek, falling even more in love with this little girl. She was the only thing John had gotten right in this lifetime. She smiled brightly as she handed me the card, feeling my heart pull as I thought of all the things Clarke could've written me.

I held her on my hip and tapped my cheek, "kiss, kiss."

Dylan kissed my cheek sweetly. Then she puffed out her cheeks and blew, getting slobber all my face. I couldn't help but laugh, I had taught her that trick. I wiped off the spit as she kept giggling, her little legs swinging at my sides.

I pushed my thumb between the folds and saw her handwriting. I smiled, feeling the aches from being apart for so long. Octavia hadn't let the bridal party see the groomsmen at all this week. She said it was important to keep us apart so nothing crazy happened. Did I mention my sister was a bridezilla? Because she was the worst of them all.

I smiled at Clarke's note; don't cry when you see me walking down the aisle towards you.

I had no idea what the dresses looked like, all I knew was that the moment I saw her, she would look like an angel. The ring in my pocket was burning a hole in the fabric. I set Dylan down and scribbled my own note back to her; if I do it' s because there's something in my eye.

I handed it back to Dylan and kissed her cheek, "tell momma I love her."

"Love Bellmy," she kissed my cheek again and ran back out the door she had come in. Lincoln stood in front of the mirror, watching our interaction.

His eyes met mine as he fixed his tie one last time, "so I take it you're finally going to ask her."

I nodded my head, "yeah. I've been waiting for the right moment. When that comes along, Dylan usually pops up to ruin it."

He laughed, putting his hand on my shoulder, "sometimes there isn't a right moment. Sometimes you just have to get down on one knee and make a fool out of yourself for the woman you love. Trust me, I did it and I get to call your sister my wife in less than an hour."

I smiled, happy Octavia had found such a good guy, "yeah well today is your day. So let's get you ready to marry my sister."

—

"Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln Warren."

Everyone clapped as the bride and groom walked into the reception. Octavia had the biggest smile on her face, I couldn't believe my little sister was married. She looked so happy, her cheeks flushed with color as the music started and they danced together for the first time as a married couple. Clarke laced her fingers through mine, watching them happily as Dylan danced beside her chair.

The moment I saw her walk down the aisle, I knew I had to make her mine for life. She was beautiful her pale blue dress hugging her curves. The top dipped down low enough for my eyes to stay on her chest longer than her eyes. The blue made her eyes even brighter, her smile bigger when she caught me staring. She winked, the flowers in her hands shaking as she made her way to the front of the church. She stood across from me, smiling every time we look at each other.

The ceremony had been long. Only because this was the first I had seen my girlfriend in seven days. Seven long days without Clarke in the house made me a grumpy old man. I had been taking care of Dylan since Octavia said they were doing things for the wedding and didn't want little hands to get in the way. I missed Clarke, I missed her falling asleep beside me. I had missed waking up beside her, feeling her watching me as I slept.

I even missed her pressing her cold feet up against my warm legs, because nothing else made them warm. Every time she did it I cursed her.

"Do you ever think you'll want to get married?" her question surprised me, as other people started to join in on the dance floor. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, wondering if she was on to me. She sighed happily, looking at Dylan, "I think I'd like to get married again. I know not all of the end the way mine did."

I looked back at her, squeezing her fingers. I stood up and pulled her with me, "dance with me."

I avoided her question for a reason. She noticed, raising an eyebrow as my sister got up on the stage and the song changed. Clarke told me about this song, one she had found when she was still with John. She said it reminded me of her, and she would sing it to Dylan when she was an infant. She would fall asleep easily when she played this song for her. There was no question when I thought about this moment, I wanted this song to be playing in the background.

Her eyes went wide as she heard it, "Bellamy," she smiled as she shook her head. I pulled her into my arms, dancing for the first verse. When the singer sang about dreaming of her lover, I stopped in the middle of the dance floor. Octavia had found her way to Dylan, she was holding her on her lap. I took in a deep breath and I knew it was now or never.

My sister might have been a bridezilla, but she had been more than happy to share her special day with me. When I asked her about this, she had been the one to come up with most of the plan.

The lights were bright as everyone stopped dancing and the music was turned down. Clarke looked nervous as I stood there staring at her. I put my hand in my pocket, feeling my heart beat a thousand miles a minute.

I took in a breath the same moment that I took her hand in mine and stepped back. She had been happy with my arms around her. She looked disappointed as I pulled away. That just made me smile more. I couldn't stop thinking about how important this moment was. I glanced back at Dylan one last time and then I knew it was now or never.

I was nervous, still I cleared my throat and looked into those beautiful blue eyes. My nerves calmed down as we stood there together, "Clarke."

She had told me a few months ago that I looked at her the way all girls wanted their guy to look at them. She would catch me staring, my eyes soft and a smile on my face as she laid beside me. I never knew she saw me, but she did. My mom used to tell me that you knew a man loved a woman by the way his eyes sparkled whenever she walked into the room.

She gave me a small smile, the one I loved more than anything else. It was the smile that told me she loved me as much as I loved her, "that's me."

I shook my head feeling every single pair of eyes on us. After a moment I pushed that thought away, focusing on my beautiful Clarke. She squeezed my hand, and I knew I had to keep this going or she would start to make a smart comment about my lack of speech skills.

"I don't do this a lot, make speeches or ask people to stay with me. But when you came back into my life I didn't know what to do. You were beautiful and sad, and I just couldn't let you slip away from me a second time. Somehow, someway none of us understand you fell in love with me. I never thought it was possible, I never thought you'd see me as more than your best friend. Still I never stopped loving you. But you're so different, and this woman I got to know is more beautiful than the memory of the girl I let get away. I blame my sister for this."

She raised her glass and smiled at the two of us. I looked back at Clarke, "maybe it's the blonde hair, the beautiful blue eyes that hide your secrets. Maybe it's because you trust me and tell me those secrets, and you laugh at my stupid jokes. Maybe it's because when I look at you I can see home. Whatever the reason, I knew the moment it happened, I never wanted to let you go. You're my home, Clarke."

Clarke stood there blushing as I looked away bashfully. I smiled once again, that crooked smile she once told me she had fallen for all those years ago. My eyes swept over my little sister, holding onto the daughter I had always wanted. She was so happy with Lincoln, I wanted to make Clarke just as happy. I wanted everything she wanted and more.

Dylan jumped out of Octavia's arms and came running towards us. I smiled down at her, feeling even more pressure as I got to the point, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, Clarke Taylor Griffin," I knelt down on one knee, Dylan putting her hand on my arm. Everyone gasped and sighed, watching the moment unfold in front of them. I pulled the ring out of my pocket, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I saw the tears that filled her eyes as she covered her mouth with her hand. She hadn't been expecting this, Octavia made sure it was a surprise. I had been playing with the idea of proposing over Christmas, but this was the right moment. Here with all our friends and family, I wanted them to know exactly how I felt about this woman. She was my life, there was no one else for me. Dylan looked at her mom.

"Momma," her voice was loud, "Bellmy love momma."

Everyone laughed as Clarke wiped away a tear, still staring down at me and the ring. Her daughter knew it long before either of us were brave enough to admit our feelings.

Octavia was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning and I felt a bead of sweat on my forehead as I wanted for her answer. She was stunned, I could see the surprise written all over her face. That made this moment even more special. Dylan kissed my cheek and I wrapped my free arm around her little waist.

Clarke's place was beside me, I had been lost without her. Sometimes your home isn't a place, it's the person who loves you.

Finally after what felt like forever Clarke nodded her head, "yes," she whispered as I jumped up and slipped the ring onto her finger. She wrapped her arms around my neck, Dylan in my arms as she kissed me, her tears mixing with our lips, "yes I'll marry you."

The happiest moment of my life was that morning three months ago when I opened the door and Clarke was there on my porch. I thought waking up beside her, even with all the bruises and scars she was hiding, would be one I would never want to let go. But hearing her tell me she would marry me, in front of her daughter and all our closet friends, I knew no other moment could ever match this one. I was the happiest man alive, because she would be my wife, and we would finally be the family I never thought I would get to have.

She kissed me once more, Octavia snapping pictures of us together, "together," she whispered into my ear as Dylan hooked her arm around her mom's neck, "you and me, we're in this together."

I kissed her cheek, wrapping my arm around her waist. She might have been the one that got away, but this time I would hold on as tightly as I could and never let her go.

—

 **Three more Months Later**

I thought the best moment of my life was when Clarke and I finally realized our feelings for each other. But I was wrong once again when I saw her standing at the end of that aisle in the church. She was beautiful, her long blonde hair falling down her shoulders. She was smiling, tears clouded my vision. I was the luckiest guy in the world to find someone like her. I didn't only get to call her my wife, but my best friend.

Jasper and Monty both offered to give her away. So did Lincoln. But Clarke told them they were groomsmen, she could give herself away. I knew she wanted to do it her way, but I sent Dylan down after she threw the flowers on the floor. She was a flower girl once again. Clarke looked surprised, tears in her own eyes as her daughter took her hand.

It was important to me that Dylan was more than just our flower girl. Bigger tears were in my eyes as I watched both of my girls walk towards me, Clarke holding her daughter's hand. They were both so beautiful, they are my world. I would do whatever I had to do to keep this little family of mine safe and happy.

When they got to me the preacher stopped and asked who gives this woman to this man. The room was silent as Dylan's eyes met mine, "I do!"

Everyone sighed at how adorable she was, Clarke wiped away a tear. I kissed the little girls cheek and she ran back to my sister. Octavia looked so happy holding her in her arms. Her own little baby bump hidden beneath her dress.

I don't remember much about the ceremony. We exchanged the normal vows, but I added my own, "I promise to love and cherish you, to kill the spiders and chase away the monsters. I promise to show Dylan how a real man treats the woman he loves, and to love you both unconditionally. I promise that when we fight I'll tighten all the jars in the house so you still have to ask me for help," she laughed, "but most importantly I promise that I will stand beside you, as an equal partner, and love you until my very last breath."

Clarke looked speechless as I slipped the ring on her finger. A tear slipped down her cheek. She smiled back at me, "I will never make you a promise I can't keep. I promise to take care of you when you're sick, even if you act like an over grown child. I promise that I won't nag you about that mark on your back, but I'll check it for you everyday," I couldn't take my eyes off of her, "I promise that I'll ask you for help, even when I don't think I need it. But in the end I promise to love you as hard as I've loved you for the last twenty years."

Everything else was a blur. We were told to say I do and that was that. I kissed my bride in front of our family and friends, everyone clapping at a love story that took twenty years to finally end happily. We walked down the aisle hand in hand, Dylan on my other side. Everyone was throwing rice, and Clarke was laughing like the little girl I grew up with. I can't remember everything said that day, but I would always remember the way she looked. Beautiful and happy.

There was no trace of the woman who showed up on my doorstep.

A few months later I surprised Clarke with the adoption papers for her birthday. I knew she didn't want anything, even though I still got her a gift. She always told me not to spend my money on her. She was the only person I wanted to spend my money on. I thought it would be cute to see her open the envelop.

Her face looked confused as she looked up at me, "what is this?"

"Open it," I nudged her with my elbow, holding Dylan in my arms. It was just the three of us, Clarke refused to let Raven and Octavia throw her a 25th birthday party. She said Dylan and I were all she needed.

Her blue eyes filled with tears, "Bell?"

I nodded, "you read them right. She's my daughter, not John's he lost his rights," Clarke leaned into me as I kissed her softly, "happy birthday Mrs. Blake."

She cried. She looked back down and burst into tears. I knew right then that I had made the right decision. I had been worried she wouldn't like the idea of cutting John out completely. Even if he was a terrible husband, he was still the father of her child. Still she wanted the three of us to be a family. I wanted everyone to know that.

Dylan jumped up, trying to see the papers she was holding, "Dylan watch mommy's belly," I grabbed her before she could tackle Clarke like she always did. She didn't realize her mom wasn't as durable as she once was. She was only a few months along, the bump covered mostly by her shirt. I was more than excited to meet the little life we had created.

I wasn't sure how but I was going to have another bright spot in my life. Between Dylan and Clarke I was one lucky person.

That night she asked Dylan if she wanted me to be her dad. She said I already was, she just didn't call me dad like the other girls at preschool. Clarke cried again. She was emotional during her pregnancy. Of course it didn't help when I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her tears away. Dylan didn't understand why she was always crying.

I told her mommy cried because she's happy. Her tears weren't sad tears anymore.

Before we fell asleep I asked her what she was thinking. She didn't answer right away, she kept staring at the ceiling. I could see the gears turning, she was always thinking about something. After a moment she reached for my hand, wrapping my arms around her waist the way we always fell asleep. She pressed the palm of her hand against her stomach, against our baby.

"I never thought I would be this happy," her voice was soft as I kissed her neck, pulling her back against my chest. She was my life, I knew I'd never let her go again.

I smiled as her breathing evened out and she had fallen asleep holding my hand in hers, "I love you too."

—

Dylan called me dad the day Jax was born. Octavia watched her while I was in the delivery room with Clarke, holding her hand. The moment his little body was put in her arms I remembered how magical life was. He cried loudly as I cut the cord and she looked up at me with tired eyes.

"Look at our little boy," my heart was so full with her and Dylan I wasn't sure how he'd fit. But he fit right in there with my girls. Jax Alexander Blake with his head full of brown curls. He even had freckles lining his nose. Clarke was convinced he looked just like me.

Octavia brought Dylan into the room to meet her brother. Clarke smiled, tired as could be but so happy. Dylan crawled up on her lap, her little hands reaching for her new brother. I stood watching, still holding Clarke's hand.

"Daddy look," my eyes filled with tears when it happened. I was still working through the process of adopting her. But the moment she called me daddy I knew it didn't matter if there was a paper saying I was her father. I already had that title. She cemented in stone the day our son was born.

Clarke looked like she was about to cry, "this is Jax. Your baby brother."

"Momma," she giggled and kissed Clarke's cheek as I felt her squeeze my hand. Dylan ran her hand down Jax's cheek and we both had to try to keep ourselves together.

I never thought I'd want a family. But I always knew, whenever I pictured my future, Clarke was the one standing right beside me. This felt more than right, this felt perfect. She had her mini me, and now I had mine.

I kissed her forehead, her eyes heavy, "we did good princess. It took us five years, but look at us now."

Clarke opened her eyes and looked up at me. She had a small smile on her tired face, "my dad sure he knew what was doing when he brought you back into my life. I always thought I would save myself, but you saved me. You saved me and Dylan. For that I'll be forever grateful."

I squeezed her shoulder, sitting down in the bed beside her. Dylan was still on the other side, Jax was in her arms. I kissed her lips softly, picking up his little tiny hand, "I never knew I needed saving until you were standing on my porch."

She passed Jax to me, I was a little unsteady holding him. I took in a deep breath, his little hand clasping around my big finger. He wasn't crying anymore, he was sleeping soundly in my arms. I looked over at Clarke, she was leaning her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed. Dylan's eyes met mine and we both smiled.

This was the moment I would never let go.

 **And they lived happily ever after.**

 **The End.**


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